Inner World

One of the fairly pervasive notions in power exchange relating is the idea that there should be transparency. The usual view is that the submissive partner must convey all pertinent information about their emotional and intellectual state to the Dominant partner in a timely fashion. It is this open and total access to information that is seen as giving the Dominant the tools needed to exercise control and make decisions about the direction of the relationship. From a theoretical perspective, a requirement of absolute transparency makes perfect sense. In practical terms, I'm not entirely convinced that it is doable or even desirable.

I can't speak for anyone but myself, of course. For me, though, being transparent would mean that He'd be deluged in the flood of responses and reactions that flow through my brain from moment to moment. That pageant really is remarkably similar to the Raveonettes video shown here; lots of random impressions and responses to whatever it might be that my very sensitive emotional radar picks up from the air around me. My very busy left brain narrates a running subtext for the whole show, and unless you are me, the whole tumult is potentially overwhelming.

Anger, frustration, giddy joy, confusion, fear, worry, triumph, confidence, uncertainty, sorrow, loneliness, satisfaction, relaxation -- all of those and a raft of other reactions may be swirling around in my head at any given moment. Making it worse, I tend to nudge at the whole mess, trying to analyze and understand the bits and pieces and details. Sometimes the story that I come up with is loaded with deep personal awareness and great insight. At other times, I concoct the kind of wild imagining that veers dangerously close to sheer craziness. And, I can careen between those extremes in an eye blink.

He doesn't need all of that. Doesn't really even WANT all of that. He can't do anything constructive with it, and the only likely outcome of my spewing it everywhere is that He will become confused, overwhelmed, and frustrated.

So. I do choose what to share with Him -- and what to simply keep to myself. I do decide when there is something going on in my mind that is "real," and germane to our relationship. If it is just me, talking myself into feeling sad, pouty, anxious, or angry for no real reason, then I most often decide to keep the details to myself. I may tell Him that I am just in a "bad" place; or perhaps that I am "having a moment," and I assure Him that I can and will work it out. He is generally content to have that happen, although I know that He will then watch me do that work with a very careful eye.

It is, in my view, the corollary to our physical power exchange dynamic. He doesn't try to micromanage my daily routines and choices. He trusts me to do that -- expects that I will do that in accord with what He would wish. He has no use for the clingy, dependent, helpless sort of slave who cannot function independently when the situation calls for it. And He insists that I have the responsibility for my daily activities and choices. He is also clear that I have the responsibility to hand those choices over to Him immediately when and if that is what He wants. There is no option, within this dynamic, for me to abandon my own adult responsibilities, and sink into allowing Him to deal with all of it. The same is true of our emotional dynamic. I remain responsible for my thinking and my emotions. Should He want to know about some particular part of what is going on with me, He asks -- and I'm expected to come clean... immediately and clearly. Otherwise, He leaves my thinking to me, and He expects me to handle it in His (and our) best interests.

It is just us, of course. We are probably way out of line with what is "typical" of our sort of relationship -- but for us, it is what works.

swan