Today, He decided that He wanted me in bed, over the pillow. We've gotten away from that position in the last few months as we've become enamored with the leather sofa and positions either over His knee or over the arm of that sofa. For me, the advantage to playing on the bed is that I am securely supported there. I never have to struggle to feel balanced or safe from sliding/falling off. It is a comfortable position. On the down side, it feels more isolated. There is less contact between us, and I can get to feeling like I am completely on my own for coping and staying in place.
Anyway, I was just glad to play, and was happy to grab the pillow and get myself into position. He is a lot more mobile these days, and way more physically capable. He was everywhere, moving around the bed, playing with knives on my skin, tickling my feet with the sharp point of His blade. I think that having me over the pillow gives Him more freedom in choice of implements than the OTK position, and it seemed to me like He was using a whole group of paddles and a couple of pretty intense straps.
I was distressed to find that there seemed to be one spot that He would hit every so often, just at the top of my pelvis and just off to the left side, which would send shooting pains down my leg and up my spine. It was like every stroke was firing a rocket up my back to explode at the base of my skull. It happened once, and I shrieked. A second hit in the same spot had me gasping for breath and struggling to hold on, and then He hit it again. It finally dawned on me that there was a problem, and that it wasn't related to the pain of the spanking -- it was something much more intense, and perhaps more serious.I've written before about the thinking in our dynamic about the purpose and use of safe words. He is adamant that a safe word is to be used to keep me safe, and that if there is a situation that is unsafe, then I am required to let Him know that immediately.
Now, the truth is that we do not have any kind of formal safe word. There is no fancy phrase that clues Him in that I am in trouble somehow -- no "purple monkeys are nibbling on my toes, Sir" silliness. We don't even use the very common public dungeon signal system of "red" and "yellow." Horrors!
So, when I understood that there was something unusual and out of the ordinary happening when He hit that spot, I just told Him about it. Simple. "There is something wrong and when You hit that spot, Sir, it shoots fire up my spine and down my leg." he was immediately solictious, and stopped to find out more about what was happening and where it was exactly, and if there was anything painful that was not related to those exact and intermittent strokes. When I told Him , "no," He resumed His play, but was scrupulous about avoiding the area that I had indicated was a problem. We finished our session just fine, and I've had no problem at all during a very busy day.
I know that there must be agreements about how and when safe words are used by those who play together casually; who do not know one another well, but when the relationship is as long-standing as ours is, there is a very simple way to handle "issues" in the middle of a session -- just talk about it.
swan
swan - I know that kind of pain, and it's not the good kind.
ReplyDeleteI think your arrangement is just fine. We don't play at the same level of intensity that you do, but I can't see the need for a safeword either. I'll speak up if something is really wrong, and Ron will listen.
Hugs,
Hermione
We have a safe word, but more often I simply tell Him what's wrong. When we first started, we toyed with the red light yellow light thing, but we discovered it's much easier just to have one word (ours is purple) and to explain when I've used it whether I just need a break or if a spot needs to be left alone (or if play needs to stop.) Even though I never use it anymore, I like knowing I have my safe word, especially as things get more and more intense in our scenes.
ReplyDeletebutterfly
Hermione and butterfly -- I don't think that the evolution in this realm has to do with "intensity" or lack there of. I think it is about coming to know one another and trust that there is competence and integrity on both sides of the exchange. When that happens, we can say what is going on and believe that it will be heard and acted upon in ways that are appropriate within our dynamics.
ReplyDeleteswan
Ouch! That's the way we do it, too. Trust and real words work just fine. I must say, though - you certainly are creatively hilarious when you do make a safe word up!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds so painful! I hope it's nothing serious! I agree that trust and communication will get us through most of these situations. Lash is always very aware of how I'm reacting. Maybe more aware than I am at times. My focus can be quite narrow during a spanking. Meow
ReplyDeleteit makes perfect sense to just say what is wrong. This isn't someone who does not know you. With R I do the same thing;he knows when I say something like, "my thumbs are going numb from the restraints, I need them untightened." that I am not playing a game.
ReplyDelete"Red" or "purple elephants" isn't needed. That's reserved for someone who may not be clear that your "no no noooooooos" may not actually mean "No" Established safe words take away doubt in those instances.
s.