DD and BDSM -- Differences?

I (and we) have had some communication from people expressing the hope that things have leveled out around our place, and that "we" are "alright."  So, perhaps it is appropriate to assure our friends and readers that we are basically fine, although I suspect that describing our status as "alright" might be stretching things a bit. 

We are unsettled on a very deep and very essential level in our intimate lives, and of course, we are mired in crisis mode as we try to work our way through the latest bout of health concerns with Master's father.  We are working together to try and cope with all of that, but not finding adequate time to make our way very well along the path of relational communication and healing. 

Standing in the shower this morning, I had the thought that, "all of this would be so much easier and better if the DD MAGIC actually worked."  Nearly every practitioner of domestic discipline will tell you that the introduction of DD into their relationships makes everything better, and that handing over the control and giving their partner the authority to punish for infractions relieves their relationships of festering doubts and struggles.  The "MAGIC" works, they insist:  spank as needed, and all the trials and strife that plague your relationship can be erased as if they were chalk on a slate. 

Too, as practitioners of BDSM, we are often told that our lifestyle is mostly sexual and really not about the relationship.  Our kind of spanking, unlike the MAGIC sort of DD spanking, isn't about relating -- it is just a sex thing. 

I find that ironic in these weary days of slogging along through the aftermath of our "relational blowout."  We certainly did, as things worked out, apply that DD panacea punishment spanking.  At least, I felt like that happened.  I did my level best to accept that punishment, and to acknowledge that I deserved it.  Still, the relationship (which we do not have under the definitions of the domestic discipline crowd) remains tender.  He and I are carrying a wounded place between us, and I am coming to understand that it cannot be spanked away.  We just do not seem to have the MAGIC. 

We are committed to finding our way along.  We are in this for the long haul.  We are each hurt and each uncertain, and we are both afraid.  Spanking doesn't fix everything.  It is a way to relate, but not the only way.  For us, it seems there is no easy way through this.  We will simply have to put one foot in front of the other, work to trust one another, and hope to rebuild something good from the mess I made.

swan