Desperado #3

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy, She'll beat you if she's able.

You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.

Now it seems to me, some fine things

Have been laid upon your table.

But you only want the ones

That you can't get.

This second stanza seems to be about knowing what you have, and knowing what is and isn't valuable and good. 

I've always thought I was a free-thinker -- that I was not susceptible to the typical socially programmed group-think that defines what marks us, each and all, as "in" or "out."  I've prided myself as someone who walked her own way, chose her own path, and didn't give a good goddamn about what others thought about that.  I've been willing to relinquish ties to other people when those ties kept me from making the decisions that I felt were necessary if I was going to chart my course according to my own lights. 

But, I find more and more, that I am easily wounded by the judgements of the culture within which I live.  I've declared that the common rules of the society do not impact on my life, and so I go about living in a non-traditional relationship; without the sanction, rights, or benefits of marriage; with very few social links outside the boundaries of our own home.  I am a woman who lives a pretty socially closeted existence.  There are very few outside our family who know anything at all about my life.  I keep a very great number of secrets.

One thing that is clear is that I really did make choices to follow the lead of the "queen of hearts."  Love was the motivator for making huge changes in my life a number of years ago, and for good or bad, I continue to follow the way my heart leads.  For all of us, there have been things we've given up in order to be able to make the choices we've made to become "family."

I live a life that is full and abundant, and still, when I fall into the darkness, I can name all the various things that I want and cannot ever have.  In turning my attention to those things that I lack; the things that are missing, I loose sight of all those "fine things" that have been given to me in this life.  I seem to forget, on a pretty regular basis, to be adequately and appropriately grateful for all the very good parts of my life.

So, there's another lesson imbedded in this old song -- notice what you have, be grateful for what you have, don't be hungering after things that you can't get.

swan