It has been a busy day, and I haven't found time to write about it.
I feel shy, and very reticent for some reason.
Right now, I want to hold this close and turn it over in my own mind and my own heart...
For now, I want to savor the sensations and the memories.
I don't want to put this part of US out there.
I want to curl in with Him and pull the figurative blinds, and keep this part of our lives private. At least for now...
swan
I SO understand this feeling. I've felt that way about HWMBA and I for a while now. Not shy, but definitely wanting to keep us much more private than I used to.
ReplyDeleteGo with the flow dear swan. Its all good.
love and hugs xxx
LOL it fits the perversity of you and I that we have come to share the ugliest melodramas of our relational conflicts here with tranparency, and now that we are the best we've been in years again, we are feeling shy.
ReplyDeleteI have been feeling shy since last December 26's blow up between us and all we shared here. Not that I regretted our sharing. It is what we do. It is the differencne between us here sharing the reality of our lives and the blogospheric pablum of DD websites where everything in life is beautiful so long as you are consisantly spanked to be the perfect wife by your loving HOH. Life.......at least our life is just not that neat and tidy.
Yesterday was wonderful complete with huge feelings of connection, fabulous spanking SM, and very fulfilling and gratifying sex.....even for my swan whose post hysterectomy surgically altered physiology has experienced huge deprivation of orgasm. This was one of her all too rare break throughs to successfully orgasm once agin.
I don't know fully what it is we have lived through this last month. God knows there have been stressors between my two surgeries in the previous nine months, t's surgery, both of our dramatic weight losses resulting in huge life style changes, t's mom's stroke and rehab., my dad's moving into end stage renal failure and almost dying a few times, swan's new little grand son and two visits out west to see him and reunite with her own kids, and huge work stress for me as CEO of a struggling nonprofit in challenging economic times. Beyond all that there is I think a greater factor. I have come to believe there are passages that relationships pass through as they endure over time and that they produce hurdles at almost predictable time intervals. This was the seventh year since swan left her former home and joined with us. I beleive there is basis for the folk myth of the "seven year itch." I think relationships often hit a crsis during their seventh year and either fail or reinvest.
I beleive yesterday we culminated reinvestment and I am very comforted and renewed that we will continue ahead together even better than before. Getting here has been ugly, stressful, and painful. We are not "there." You are never "there." It is always work but too there is sometimes joy. Yesterday there was joy.
The help, support, concern, and affirmation we have recevied from our friends here has been so important to us especially at times when all seemed lost and hopeless. Thank you is all I have to offer in return and it is not enough.
All the best,
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
Awwwe, Sir. Yes. Thank You -- for finding words that I couldn't bring to the surface for us. I find I want to simply relish the feeling of softness and calm that has washed over me in these last few days. I feel privileged to be "back" with You, and I feel as if You opened some kind of invisible gate and let me come back in out of the cold and dark.
ReplyDeleteI love You, Sir. I am so grateful to have survived the storm we've been caught up in, and I am comforted by the fact of being here with You. Yours always and all ways.
swan
What a good thing to hear from you both.
ReplyDeleteTom, this is something that I have tried to teach my children about marriage over the years. The reality that these things occur in all marriages, and that many people give up and quit on the downside not realizing what joys and contentment are there on the upside. In 32 years, there have been some times, I say to them, where you both look across the table and think "you are an idiot" ( or mean, or dense, or whatever for not fulfilling MY needs or doing what I want). If you continue to act with love, and show love, it will cycle back around to something better than before. Of course, that presumes you both chose good people, and are all in, etc. - we discuss that, too.
So glad you are moving to that good place, had such faith that you would.
M:e -- I knew that you would understand, my friend! It is rare that I am without words, but just now I am feeling quiet, and that feels good.
ReplyDeletehugs, swan
Impish -- how different life would be in all its incarnations if we would remember to "continue to act with love."
ReplyDeletehugs, swan