8 Years

Eight years ago tonight, He used a scalpel to cut His initials into my left shoulder blade.  It was an event that we'd talked about and planned together.  It was, in the moment, intense and powerful and amazing. 

I remember very little of the actual cutting.  I remember the sound of His voice.  I remember T's hand holding mine. 

We wanted the scars to form clearly, and we wanted them to last a long time.  The intent was to make permanent marks.  To that end, we worked to keep them from healing.  We'd been told that, in that way, keloid scars would form and be much more visible.  Each day, we scrubbed the wounds with a soft toothbrush and anti-bacterial soap.  That was a regimen that we continued for six weeks.  I am sure it was painful, although I don't remember it well.  I do remember that the cuts itched terribly for a very long time. 

The marks are old now.  Still they will itch if the weather is just so, or if my skin is particularly dry.  They've faded some.  They are not gone.  Will never be gone.  Will remain as long as I live in this body.

swan