What is it?

As we've visited with morningstar, some of our conversations have been about D/s and SM.  Imagine!
Inevitably, our discussion has come around to the way that our particular sort of M/s works ...  Because our dynamic tends to look different than what I imagine that most people expect (and we've said that here on a number of occasions).  Most people learn to do power exchange by reading about it on the Internet -- and the Internet is awash in highly sensationalized, often fantasy-based, everybody is doing it this way so it must be the right way to do it sameness.  If you have "learned" to do D/s by reading online, then you and yours probably are trying to live with a whole host of rules and protocols and rituals.  It is pretty common in the cyber-driven community to find rules like these:

1. what clothing is permissible to wear
2. what physical positions are prescribed for different settings/activities
3. how and when it is permissible to enter or leave a room
4. when and how it is permissible to speak
5. where it is permissible to sleep
6. limitations and restrictions on personal property/financial wherewithal
7. acceptable posture
8. when it is acceptable to make eye contact
9. requirements for forms of address and preferred use of titles and honorifics
10. limitations on use of furniture
11. restrictions on access to and use of the bathroom
12. limitatins on personal privacy
13. expectations regarding punishment and discipline
14. requirements for regular and defined types of sexual service

Master doesn't engage in the sort of power exchange that deals with any of that business.  It just isn't His thing.  He doesn't get anything out of it -- so it doesn't happen.  If you were to ask Him about all of that, He'd tell you, "I'm in control.  I know I'm in control.  T and swan know I'm in control.  If I have to do something to re-affirm that fact, I certainly can do that, but it is almost never necessary."

So.  When other people encounter us -- people who are "into" BDSM and power exchange, there is always a bit of cognitive whiplash.  They look at us, and they see exactly what we do -- and they see exactly what we don't do.  It doesn't look like the M/s that

everyone

knows about.  He doesn't care what I wear, unless He does -- and then He tells me.  He doesn't care if I come into a room, or leave a room, or go to the bathroom, or sit on the couch, or eat at the table.  He sure as heck does not want me sleeping on the floor or in a cage or in another room.  He wants me with Him.  All the time if that is possible.  It isn't, of course, but that would be His preference.  He values and appreciates my financial contributions to the income of our household.  He is proud of the work I do, and He knows that my work outside our home contributes in a significant way to the lifestyle of our family.  I have a bank account.  I have my own credit.  I own my own car.  In fact, the condo that we refer to as "mine," does in fact have my name on the deed.  It isn't that He couldn't eliminate "property ownership" from my set of options, but again, the question would be why?  What would He, personally, get out of that?  What is the upside to any or all of that for Him?

Because.

If a particular thing doesn't have "value" for Him, then it is unlikely to be a part of our lives.  It just doesn't matter that the culture values it.  It doesn't matter that "everyone else is doing it."  It doesn't matter that it is expected.  It has no place in His world -- unless He says it does.

I understand the point of view that says that we should develop, within the lifestyle, a vocabulary that MEANS SOMETHING.  It is counterproductive for us to allow our specific language to be hijacked by those who insist that none of our shared lexicon should be defined in such a way as to clearly convey particular meanings.  I want to validate that perception.  I agree with it. 

So, I am sometimes torn when I label the relationship between He and I was Master/slave.  I live it, and I am fully aware that the thing that we call M/s is not "like" almost any other relationship that we'd almost all agree IS Master/slave.  On the other hand, I live it, and I cannot work my mind around to the place of discarding the label.  The truth is that, while He chooses to not invest time or energy in any of the trappings of Internet-driven stylized lifestyle M/s, there is no part of our lives that isn't constructed in exactly the way that He wants it to be.  Nothing. 

No rules.  Only expectations.  Based entirely in His vision of how the world, and His household ought to work. 

swan