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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.

7/23/2012

People I Miss

I started blogging at The Swan's Heart in December, 2004.  I've never been an everyday blogger.  The pace of my days tends to determine how frequently I show up with something to say.  Too, when life gets very, very intense... I can go quiet.  Blogging helps me to process how I'm feeling, and clarify what I'm thinking -- but sometimes there just are no words... or maybe it is just that there are no words that I can find and assemble in any sort of orderly fashion.

Bloggers come and go.  Things happen, people change .  Life carries us each along on our separate currents. I've "met" some amazing and wonderful people through this medium, and every now and then, I stop and remember the ones who shared their lives for a time -- and then faded away; people that I miss:

  • Malcolm, who was my very first commenter; who often offered words of comfort and wisdom.  I wonder about Malcolm, living so very far away in the Phillipines with his lovely wife and young son.  He was a fair bit older than me.  I have not heard from him for a very long time.  I wonder.
  • Paul, who for many years was a regular visitor.  He always had some kind word to offer.  Something strange happened with Paul at some point, and I never really understood what.  I still see him around here and there, but he doesn't visit here anymore.
  • Magdala, who was a remarkably eloquent writer.  Magdala could discuss the merits of a new coffee pot and make it sound fascinating.  In fact, I seem to remember one blog post that was exactly that -- a discussion of a lovely red coffee machine.  I hear from her privately now and then, and I know that her life has had its challenges.  I miss her voice.
  • Algor, my bright, eccentric, poly friend from Nebraska.  He has offered me interesting points to consider on more than one occasion, and was one of the positive and affirming voices as I struggled after my hysterectomy.  Maybe I just wore him out, or maybe life just pulled him in some other direction.
  • M:e, was always a thoughtful and gentle soul, and I valued her insights.  She knew, as very few do, the vagaries of trying to live inside a relationship that was not the traditional couple.  Health challenges and personal challenges have rendered her quiet in the last year or so, but her voice lives on in my mind and heart.
  • Caitlin, was my slave friend.  She and I shared a bond that I never really understood entirely, but I loved her sweet nature and her fierce spirit.  Her sudden death was a horrible blow to her Master and her son.  There have been so many days in the last couple of years when I have dearly wished I might call her up and just talk it over with her.  
  • Gabriel and kaylem were my frequent correspondents in the early years.  They were bright, warm, adventurous people, and I loved the thoughts they shared.  They had trouble with being out here in public, and in time they simply faded away from the blogging circle.  I don't blame them...
  • Grumblin and minionette were frequent commenters in the early days.  He was a plain spoken and funny guy and she was just a wonderful, lively, delightful presence.  Theirs was a trans-continental love affair, and I do hope they somehow managed to find a way to bridge the gap between them.  
  • Jo (aka searabbit) was a friend from France.  She struggled mightily with mental health issues, and her own relationship was rocky and unsetteled.  She didn't always understand what it was that we were up to here, but she was kind and gentle with us.
  • Tangerine would probably qualify as a "vanilla poly" friend (although I think that is a contradiction in terms).  She is local here, and we've socialized with her and her partner on several occasions.  They are busy people, and our schedules don't easily mesh.  I wonder if they wonder what to say after all that has happened.  I probably should try to call her.  
  • Lynlass has often been around with good advice and words of encouragement.  She tends to come and go, but for now, she seems to be gone.  I hope someday she'll come back.
  • Greenwoman, a mystery and an enigma and a fascination.  She was a friendly voice who also lived a poly life.  She had other blog personnas, and she came and went in her Greenwoman guise... until, finally, she went and did not reappear.  I hope she is well and happy somewhere.

Others, like kaya and danae, are still out there -- but seldom visit here.  Sometimes the distance is just too great, and the gap is too wide.  I get it.

I am enormously grateful for those who do visit here, comment here, and share the journey with us:  karen, sin, oatmeal girl, morningstar, weird girl, conina, abby, impish, mouse, ana, ordalie, joyce, jojo, Mystress, and Mistress 160.

swan

14 comments:

  1. Im thinking you have many many more followers than you think you do. I know I've been following you since your early days on swans heart.

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    1. Renee, the unknown followers are such an interesting part of this blogging exercise. I have statistics that tell me they are there. I can feel the weight of them all. But, unless they become known in some way, through some kind of interaction, they really do remain nearly invisible. How interesting it would be to have those voices in the conversation... Thank you for being here in response to my reminiscing.

      swan

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  2. I've only been blogging about a year - I was a lurker first, but already so many of the people who I communicated with at first have vanished. Looking at my earliest commenters, none of them still come around. Some people have come, blogged, and vanished in just this brief span. It's really quite astonishing.

    All that to say, yes. I know what you mean about missing them.

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    1. Conina, many, maybe most of us do this out of a wish to have companionship on this odd journey. Those who engage with us do come to be important in some way, and when they go on their ways, they leave voids.

      swan

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  3. I've missed you too. Seems such a long time since we visited each other's 'homes' for the blog equivalent of coffee and a chat.

    I've been here though dear. As you said, my own stuff rendered me 'quiet' in that there's simply been no time for either writing or commenting, but I have continued to follow you and other friends through my feed reader.

    Life's changed in some pretty major ways recently though and so, slowly, I'm finding my way back...in respect of both writing and commenting. I'm keen to re-establish some off blog contact with some friends too, so watch out for the cyber-postman in the next week or so!

    Please pass on my regards to Tom and T.

    Much love x

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    1. My Dear Friend, I will watch for the postman with a joyful heart. I do hope you are well... and will be glad to catch up!

      hugs, swan

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  4. weirdgirl5:44 AM

    I, too, often wonder about the lives beyond the computer screen when bloggers I have enjoyed just...disappear...

    I particularly miss Destiny and chance, now they write so very sporadically.
    I guess I should take more time to let people know that their efforts are appreciated rather than just sitting silent...

    I have been dropping by since about 2006 I think (i was drawn here by your insightful comments over at Kaya's place as i recall) and it's a part of my routine these days - like popping in on a friend for a cuppa ;)

    I have worried for you, cried for you, laughed with you and rejoiced in your triumphs, large and small. Thank you for writing as openly and thought-provokingly as you do, your 'voice' is heard here and very much valued.
    All i do is read it ;)



    weirdgirl

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    1. weirdgirl -- I think it is a mistake to underestimate the value of that "being with" our blog neighbors -- worrying for, crying for, laughing with, and rejoicing in the large and small triumphs. Thank you for being here and reading.

      swan

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  5. I still check in here pretty much every day.

    I, for one, am still very interested in your world. Just because I don't comment often doesn't mean that I am not still reading... Mostly, I don't have words that would help any, and figure that you have had enough on your plate to deal with the past few years, without adding to it.

    ...and I am still dealing with my own weight loss journey, which can be distracting at times.

    I would still love it if you guys took a more northerly route on the way to Colorado one of these days, but do understand that you are generally flying pretty low through the middle of America when you are making those trips, and don't need any detours... but a guy can dream, right?

    For what it is worth, I enjoy your writing because it is honest and raw and real and even writing to say that you don't know what to say here anymore is about the most honest writing that happens on the journals I read these days...

    *very big hugs all around*

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    1. Algor, it is so good to hear from you :-) I absolutely do know how much of a challenge the weight loss project gets to be. We are ahead of you on the road, and it is more fluent for us than it once was, but still and always a present reality that must be attended to. I do try and check in on you, but am more often than not baffled by the intricacies of LiveJournal. Duh!

      Anyway, keep hoping for that trek along the northern route. Maybe someday, we won't be making the trip in such a rush.

      Thank you, always, for the affirmations. You have held me up more times than you know.

      hugs, swan

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  6. This is a history of sorts of theblogs and voices that helped to shape you; it's kind of a hitoriography or context piece. Interesting view on things. I think this view reflects the way things often happen here.

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    1. Historiography? What a fine label. Thanks for the perspective -- and thanks for not being among the lost and missing. I love your voice!

      swan

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  7. I have only been blogging for a couple of years, but it has struck me how many people come and go.
    I always wonder what happens to those who visit often then fade away into the ethers...

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  8. Anonymous3:19 PM

    It must be very strange when someone just stops... Makes one wish the person would at least say good-bye. Otherwise you are left hanging.... wondering...

    Thanks for continuing to write!

    Joyce

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