Spanking can work to focus my mind. When it is good, it quiets the chatter; brings me into the now; anchors me in my body; and completely alters my awareness. Yesterday, I wrote that I'd come to a "realization;" understanding something I hadn't figured out before this. I do my best thinking during spankings -- except it isn't really "thinking" exactly. It is a mental and emotional clarity that seems other than what I experience in other circumstances.
So. There I was. Yesterday. Bottom up over the spanking pillow. With my five week long hunger burning. He was back there, doing His thing -- spanking away with some paddles and a quirt and whatever else...
Yesterday was sexy. I was sexy. We were sexy. The spanking was sexy. It was just so good; so simple; so lively and sweet. I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out. I don't know why I had to drag myself through so many years of dead, numb, misery -- but I am glad and amazed to have finally figured it out. I know there were people who tried to tell me. I know He never, ever saw me the way I saw myself. I know all of that, and did not know, until yesterday, the fact and reality for myself.