Focus

Enough wallowing.

I really do appreciate every, single, dear, one of you who has reached out to me in these days to offer support, and encouragement, and words of comfort. Thank you. The kindness of strangers... I am humbled.

Still, I have work to do. Here. Where my heart must be. No matter the vagaries that life brings.

I have read, around the circle, of disquiet, and I do understand. I, too, have been uneasy, and lacking in calm and peace -- not a happy slave; more pouty than pleasant. It has been noted, and not with pleasure. Before the news of the impending departure of the parts... Before announcements on the employment front that make my economic stability less comfortable than any of us like... I was fussing, for no good reason. Just because, and duly called on it.

I live this life intentionally. I mean to do it with integrity. I want to meet the obligations I've assumed and the committments I've made with grace and growing skill. I too often fall short. Most often that is because I forget where my focus should be. Must be.

It is when I get wrapped up in what I want, in feeling lost, neglected, abandoned, lonely, needy -- that I forget that my promise was to serve, to surrender, to be guided, to trust. The needs of the One I serve provide the marker for my life, the beacon on which I have vowed to fix my sight. When I fall out of that line, I do, indeed, get lost.

I don't know what is coming. And I am afraid. Trust doesn't remove the fear (at least not for me -- not yet). It only assures me that I'll be held when the trembling shakes me to my core... I only need to try and remember to focus.

swan