Maturity Sucks!

Age is nothing we can resist. Oh, sure, there are some who will work like fiends with potions and lotions and exercise and surgery to try to hold off the advances of age. But we are not at a point in our progress, as a people, to stop the ravages of dementia.

My hubby's parents are elderly. Dad is 87 and Mom is 85. Every year, Tom has said "Well, we had them with us for another Christmas. Never thought they would make it thru' another year." And I have certainly agreed. Dad is well enough. He still drives. He still flirts with the ladies in the dining room at the nursing facility. But Mom is not in the best of shape. She broke her hip last year. And since then, the slippery slope of senility has been dragging her down. She is a tiny woman. A mere 98 pounds after a good meal, dripping wet. And she is forgetful. Some days, she thinks I am Tom's ex-wife. I usually just let it go. It is easier for her, less confusing, and who am I to make her life more difficult. She never remembers who Swan is. I usually try to work Swan's name into a conversation to help her to remember.

We have these rituals we do during the holidays. We do Christmas Eve dinner and gifts with Tom's parents and ex-family. It used to be a dinner at a hotel. Now we do it at the nursing facility. We are trying to make it less stressful, less confusing, and physically easier for Mom. She didn't want to be involved last night. Said she was sick, and was going to stay in bed. Was cranky and downright mean until she heard that our ex-wife brought their dog. That perked her up. She joined in. But it was very apparent she was lost most of the evening. Was unable to introduce us to the staff that stopped by to visit and called the dog she loves the name of a dog that has been dead for about 40ish years. Last night she agreed to join the family at our ex-wife's for dinner tonight. Tom drove over to pick them up and she refused to go. She was sick, she was cranky, she was not budging.

Dementia is a scary thing. I am sure that she has to be terrified to step out of her door everyday. The fact that today she might remember most things and tomorrow she doesn't remember why they moved 5 yrs ago....how horrible that must be! It would appear that our future events with Mom will need to be at the nursing facility. It is a lovely assisted living center. They have a beautiful 1 bedroom apartment. But for her to be included, we shall have to go to her. It is too much emotional stress for her to come to us. I cannot imagine how hard she must work to remember the smallest things. To be lost within yourself and not know how to fix it. No wonder she is angry and sick and cranky.

So...My next task, as the "social director" that I am.... will be to "gently" motivate the rest of the family to events and gatherings at their location...not ours. We have been blessed to have Mom & Dad with us much longer that any of us ever imagined...it is now necessary we make her remaining time as comfortable as possible.

There will also need to be times that we get Dad out. He needs a break sometimes. He is good at getting involved in the activities of the facility. But there are times that nothing is better than family, and our family needs to remember Dad's needs are equally as important as Mom's.

T