Closing the Year

Reluctantly, just about a year ago, I began to put words to thoughts that swirled in my mind, first at The Swan's Heart, and then later here.

As with so much, I was guided into that writing by Master's insistence. He was convinced that I needed to find a way to voice the wanderings of my mind, and that writing would provide that outlet for me. I was unsure, and not at all happy at the prospect, but obedient. His wisdom has borne fruit in friendships formed, certainly, but in growth for me as well. I have worked my way through a good bit of my own "stuff" here in the blog classroom this year.

I believe that I've found a bit more balance though pouring out so many words here this last year. I know that, in times when I have struggled with my own limits, my own boundaries, my own small-minded short comings, it has been in the effort to stay open and honest here, that I have eventually found some way through the confusion and doubt. I grant that it has not always been easy to read my fussing and fuming here, and I admit to a significant wonderment at those who continue to peep in at the curtains to watch and listen to me whine when there are places that are far sexier. For all that, I've found a few dear souls who have come to feel like good friends, although we've not actually met. You know who you are and you have been for me and mine solid rocks of kindness and stability through a year that has tossed us about some... Bless you for that.

I've learned that I am stronger than I once believed I could ever be -- and softer than I ever let anyone know or see. I've learned truly what it means to "be owned" in times when that has meant to be cared for and indulged and protected and treasured, and too, in times when that reality has demanded that I bend to a will that demands all that I have had to give. I've learned to serve and love and open and give, and I've been hurt for the sake of that love. I've wept and I've sung and I've trembled and I've laughed.

I would do it all again.

When the year winds down to the closing moments, I will look back at lessons learned, at joys shared, at sorrows borne together, at pain and pleasure given and received, at love wrapped around it all, and know that it has been a year I will always be glad to have shared with Master and with T.

"To believe in something not yet proved and to underwrite it with our lives: it is the only way we can leave the future open." -- Lillian Smith

Wishing all who come this way much goodness in the year ahead.

swan