Massage

Sleep has become a major focus in these last few weeks.

Since the death of His mother, He has had terrible trouble sleeping through the night. He falls asleep reasonably easily, but then He often comes awake between 2:45 and 3:30 AM -- and can't get back to sleep.


It is not an uncommon response to grief. Sleep disturbances are very much part of the process of working through the shock and loss of a death. Everything I read indicates that sleep disturbances are very much part of the early days and months of the grieving journey.

We've gone to a whole host of "remedies" in an attempt to alleviate the problem. Our evening teapot is now holding Celestial Season's "Sleepytime" tea. He's been taking a dietary supplement, 5-HTP, which theoretically goes to this problem. There's also a product called "Calms Forte," that we're also making sure that He is getting.


Still, the problem has remained. T, concerned about the possible consequences of the continued sleep deprivation, called the doctor; who prescribed an anti-anxiety medication. He balked at taking it after He read about the array of side-effects.



So, along with all the other efforts to induce sleepiness, we've begun a new bedtime routine of giving Him an extensive, full-body massage. Each night, as bedtime approaches, I pull the massage table out, drape it with a sheet, get out my oils and ointments, put on the quiet music, and spend a half hour or 45 minutes rubbing and kneading those tired, tense muscles in His back, legs, feet, arms and hands. He moans and sighs and, as I work, He moves from wired up to settled, relaxed, even "zoned out."



By the time, I'm done, He's ready to sleep, and most often, He sleeps through the night quite peacefully. It is a "service" that I am delighted to give, but there is another interesting side effect to this new routine... I find that, as I touch and rub and tend to His physical needs, I relax too. By the time I have Him ready to get to bed, I am quieted, calmed, settled and ready to sleep myself. The connection that I make, through the intense touching that the massage entails, brings me into some kind of synchronous place with Him, so that my sleep and His almost merge.



It is an almost magical kind of intimacy that has come as a gift to us both through these difficult and stressful days. I imagine that, as the days and months pass, the NEED for that bedtime massage will diminish, but I doubt that we will ever completely give it up. It has become a rich and fertile ground for us to connect.



swan