Back to Common Ground

In the very beginning, Master and I felt sure that ours was a love that was "meant to be." We felt so entirely "well matched," that it was hard to imagine that we hadn't been linked with one another through all time. Those were heady feelings and blissful days. Lately, we've struggled more -- with our individual issues, and with one another.


It isn't that we aren't still incredibly, deeply, sometimes rapturously in love -- we are. It is just that we've not always connected at the same easy level we once did. Things have become more difficult and more complicated; and with all the issues we face between us, it is sometimes just easier to wander off into a safe cocoon and not try to hash it all out with one another. I know that I pull into myself, and I think that His response to that is to simply not push it. Probably, He just feels worn out trying to sort it all out with me sometimes.


So, when we do connect; when we do make it all magical, it is pretty amazingly wonderful. Saturday was like that...


I'd been ill on Friday, unable to go to school -- heck, almost unable to lift my head off the pillow: weak and wobbly and feverish and nauseated on top of it. I slept most of the day, and He spent His time feeling generally crummy and brooding all alone.


I was feeling better by the time Saturday morning rolled around, and He was interested in playing, but tentative. Partly, I imagine that was concern for my health, but largely, it was grounded in my recent whining about how I don't always like being spanked, and don't get much out of it. BDSM is complicated when you actually care about the person on the other end of the power-exchange!


He asked if it would be better if we just made love and He didn't spank me... I hate that idea -- it makes me sad and scared. I told Him -- "no -- don't stop spanking me." And so we began. He was very tentative at first; almost gentle. Our session started with some hand-spanking and some knife play and I could feel myself settling into a good head space. I heard Him breathe into my ear the words, "I want you so much!" It was as if a door opened in my mind and my spirit soared. To be wanted is much different than to be loved. Hearing that He wanted me worked to banish from my mind all the lovely, young, nubile, smiling spanking models. I was left with a rare and joyful sense of belonging and being in the right place.

Before He'd gone very far, before things had gotten horribly intense, He began to penetrate me digitally as I lay face down over my customary pillow. It took me by surprise and I gasped -- it doesn't happen very often that our sessions include play that is "sensual" or "sexual." As it went on, I became increasingly excited and just happy. I grunted and groaned and roared in a most un-ladylike fashion as my pleasure mounted.

When He'd had enough of teasing and pleasing me, He went right on with the SM play, and I was right there -- even achieving orgasm under the cane. We finished making love, rejoicing in our shared sexual satisfactions. And then, we simply snuggled together, enjoying the softness and warmth and connection that settled in between us.

It was very, very good to find our way back to the place that we share again.

swan