Toy Collection Report #8

It isn't just "spanking"with us. Spanking is sex and intimacy and connection and adventure and joy and love and life between us. There was a time when I came to the beginning of a session with eagerness and anticipation and a hunger that seemed as if it might never be satisfied. Those days seem long gone. I am seldom eager anymore, and I usually anticipate that sessions will be difficult and painful. The hunger, however, remains. As complicated as our SM has become, we remain partners and lovers -- matched as well as it is possible for two people to be. He is every bit the Man that I fell in love with, came to from across the continent, and gave my whole self to almost seven years ago...

This morning, I learned again, what it is to be fully and utterly wrapped up in His power.

Our session began with some difficulty. The various health issues that confront us daily make the simple logistics of playing seem daunting. What seems to work best for Master, at present, is to have me face down over the side of the bed, but it is a position that I find uncomfortable --it hurts my knees and my ankles, and there's nothing for me to hold on to. Still, it was the option that seemed best, and so I got myself into position, expecting nothing much except to (hopefully) hold on and get through it without disappointing.

He began somewhat gently, with some hand spanking and then a light weight strap. I was feeling very emotional, but was determined not to give in to the sobbing misery that sometimes overtakes me during a session. I know that my seeming miserable can cause Him to decide to quit before He really is ready.

He began to stroke me with a knife blade, and I found myself following the strokes and sinking into the rhythm as my breathing began to calm. The hairbrush paddle was next I think, and somehow, it didn't take me to the place where I was shrieking "NO!" inside my mind. At one point He said something about it not breaking bones when He used it "THIS" way, and all I could think was -- "Wow! He did read that post..." Whatever, I found myself able to encounter the sensations without becoming totally panicked by it all.

There was some other strap -- sharp and biting, and then He finished with the lexan paddle. Just as I found myself beginning to drop over the edge toward subspace, it was over with and He was presenting me with the paddle to kiss -- the end of the session. I was befuddled -- over the edge just a bit, and without the words to say, "No ... let's go on just a bit more."

But He knew it. Saw it. Understood me in that instant better than I understood myself. I heard Him asking, "Did I stop too soon? Do you want more?" Through the fuzz and fog, I heard the words, and then had to look over them and turn them around in my mind and contemplate them and then figure out what to do about all of that. By that time, He'd decided... and on we went.

I don't remember exactly how it all went from that point. It was a Dominant and sadist, turned lose with a loopy submissive. I think He used the dressage whip, and the hairbrush paddle, and maybe a cane. I know I was sort of there, aware, but simply not in the same physical space as I was early on.

Then, in the middle of all that whipping and paddling and caning, He stopped and began toplay with my cunt. It always catches me off guard, and I think I gasped, but then I was completely lost to His whims and His intent. I don't know how long He played with me ... a couple of rocking orgasms, and the voice in my head beginning to beg, "no more... no more..." before He was done with me and I was entirely limp in His arms.

That was when He suggested a "strapping for dessert." It registered in my stupid brain that He meant THE STRAP -- the one that we usually call "the punishment strap," but I was so spacey and so happy and so sure that He had me completely in His vision, that I was more than ready to agree. That was perhaps foolhardy... I got back into position, and He laid into me with the strap. It was harsh and heavy and staggeringly painful. My head cleared very quickly as I struggled to just stay put -- and then it was over. He gathered me up, sobbing, in His arms, rocked me and crooned to me as I settled back down.

We rode together to His release, and finished lying curled up together, spent and jubilant in our private world where, for that small bit of time, everything was completely perfect.

swan