Absolute Dominance

Many of our readers have been following along on our recent journey through the trials and tribulations of bariatric surgery and the subsequent recovery. We are now working our way, as a partnership, back to something closer to what seems like "normal" to us, and that process is not as simple as I imagined it would be. Somehow, in spite of experiences with previous surgical recoveries for both of us, I think I believed that there would come a day when we could just "flip the switch" and it would all be back in place. Now, I understand that I was indulging in fantasy with that belief, but I just wasn't prepared for how long it was going to take ME to get myself back after the surgery -- Him, yes, but not me...

But power-based relating is about the balance that is created when two partners choose to deliberately and consciously manipulate the power and energy that exists between them in relationship. He and I have been doing it for some years now, so we have some knowledge and experience between us. In particular, He brings a great depth of experience to our dynamic, and He knows me so well, that there is very little that happens with me that He doesn't see and understand. The Dominance that He practices, with regard to me, is almost reflexive and instinctive, and as such it becomes over-arching and all encompassing. It happens almost as naturally as breathing...

Here's one of those rare places where He actually writes with so much amazing insight and depth about the internal process of His thinking and decision making --

I ... was tempted ... to follow through on (Amber's) suggestion ... I pride myself on having a sense of when this sort of discipline would be constructive ... spanking her so severely, it may well have been a significant interruption of her internal monologue ... that derailed her previous thought process to the extent that a void remained ... that had to be replaced with a new thought stream. ... significantly change someone's internal belief system by ... severely blistered by someone who knew what he was doing and with whom they had a very intensive love ... I was performing a role and technique I had perfected ... to reach out to someone I loved and communicate that I would no longer tolerate her harming herself and thus hurting me ... I have felt that swan's and our current situation is different ... for a couple of months ... our power exchange has been temporarily intentionally reversed ... Our power exchange is seminal to our relationship, our love, and her security at a level that approaches spirituality ... suspension of this key dynamic ... in the interest of caring for me and of becoming aggressive advocate to have me well cared for after my surgery ... is confusing for her ... and has required her to sacrifice this dynamic that nurtures her soul and reinfices her security. She is trying to regain her orientation now ... My instincts now, and so far, have not lead me to that approach ... for now I am letting her work her way through this without my "rebooting" her ... I am sure what my decision is ...

I think that, in that small bit, there is a primer for those who believe that they are Dominant, and who would conceive of relating in this fashion with another. There is quiet assurance, and intense awareness, and careful consideration of what is good and needed. This is not a Dominance that looks to physical power to underpin it. This is Dominance that understands the roots and applications of power, and which stands calmly in the face of its own nature.

Too, for me, there is wisdom to be gained by those who would choose to submit to someone who is worthy to hold that power in their hands. Too often, submissive women seek the man who is physically powerful, handsome, someone with "the voice" and "the look" that bespeaks Dominance. The less obvious attributes are easy to overlook I suppose. Experience and knowledge and personal integrity and self-assurance are harder to see, harder to quantify, perhaps not as "storybook" style appealing. They are, however, from my perspective, the most important, most critical and irreplaceable prerequisites to successful power exchange.

He is, for me, Master. He is my rock and my safe harbor. He is the One that I trust and turn to when I am feeling small, worn, scared. He brings me to my best self and keeps me safe and strong and centered. He is the model of what I believe Dominance is and should be, and I am proud to be His.

swan