Joy and Happiness

If we try hard to bring happiness to others, we cannot stop it from coming to us also. To get joy, we must give it, and to keep joy, we must scatter it. --John Templeton

This is the true joy of life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. --George Bernard Shaw

Yesterday morning (Thursday), when I arrived at school and pulled out my phone to make my usual call home to Master, I saw that He'd tried to call me while I was enroute. The phone was in my purse, and I didn't hear it ring... It isn't our normal pattern for Him to call me on my way to school, and I was a little alarmed, so I quickly called Him to ask if He was alright. His voice when He answered seemed shakey, and my fears were heightened.

Then, He told me that He'd received an email from the Master of caitlin. Some of you will remember that caitlin died last December after a long battle with a whole host of health issues. We had often talked about meeting when she and her Master traveled to our area. We'd looked forward to that for a good while, but as her health worsened, it became clearer and clearer that the meeting would never happen. Still, caitlin and I were friends.


It was a unique and interesting friendship we shared. Caitlin was a woman of great and abiding religious faith. She was a Christian who managed to practice and live what she claimed to believe. Caitlin reached out and touched so many lives, she cared for a stunningly large extended family, made a difference in the lives of those in her community that were struggling against some of the most dire life circumstances, and chose to look at others without judgement. She embodied kindness and compassion, and in that, she was for me a teacher. She knew and understood that I was a "non-believer," and she never once made me feel dismissed or rejected because of that. She loved the person I am, and it mattered not at all that our beliefs were different.

Our views about our submission were, on the other hand, entirely congruent. We were of one mind when it came to what it meant to belong to the Men we chose to serve. She and I supported one another when others, who didn't understand, attacked our choices and made us question our path. I have missed her phone calls and her emails and her comments here. The world is a lonelier place without her.

Master told me, that caitlin's Master indicates that He will be in our area in the latter part of the summer and will find time to connect with us. He wrote that He will bringing a gift left by caitlin... Hearing all of that, I was once again swept into my sense of loss about my friend, but also mindful of a feeling that she remains, somehow, a presence and a force in my life.


And then it was 8:00, and the children arrived and the day began. Thursday is the day when we take our kids to church for worship first thing in the morning. The heathen in me sometimes struggles with this "going to church" part of my work responsibilities. There are weeks when I wake up on Thursday, and feel just like a pouty two year old -- hands on hips, lip stuck out, totally bent out of shape with having to go to church. Other times, I can find myself in the space, let my spirit get lost in the music, and come to hear with my heart. When that happens, sometimes going to church with a bunch of 12 year olds turns into a mystical experience.


On this morning, it was as if I was in church with caitlin. All of the music seemed to speak of her, and the scripture pointed to living life for others rather than for oneself. I sat there wrapped up in thoughts of my friend and companion on this journey...


Then, it came the time for the sermon, and the words were about "happiness" and "joy." "Happiness" we were told, is fleeting. It is a feeling that comes and goes depending on what is happening. THINGS can make us happy, but happiness tends to wax and wane with the circumstances and moods of our days and nights. Joy, on the other hand, is quieter and deeper. Joy dwells within us. It isn't transitory.

That all just made sense to me. I am sometimes unhappy. Sometimes, things don't go to suit me. Sometimes, I get worn out or into a moody place and things can seem pretty grim. I can get all wrapped up in feeling whiney and old and just sad -- all kinds of icky feelings... Even as it is going on, even in the midst of it all, I know it isn't permanent, or even real.

Below all of that fussiness, there is something steady and solid and quiet and sure. I live with joy. I know that I am where I ought to be, in exactly the place I was born for. There is nowhere I'd rather be, and no two people in the world with whom I'd rather be. We are creating the world according to our own lights and the vision we share, and it is a very good thing.

That was the major lesson that I learned from my friend, caitlin: She lived with terrible and painful illnesses. Very early in our relationship, after she'd told me about some of her health challenges, I asked her what the future looked like for her in the face of all of that. She very calmly told me that it was likely that she might not have very many years... We never ever talked about it again. We talked of her son and her "little man" and her love of music and her mother. And -- we talked about her absolute joy in the life she shared with her Master. He was her world and her delight. She had days when she was not happy, when she worried and hurt and gave way to frustration, but she never, in all the time I knew her, lost her sense of joy.

swan