Rituals, Protocols, and Patterns

Awhile back, in response to my post about rebooting, Amber asked --

...must rebooting always be ... so completely dire ... what worked much better for me by far were the times I was quietly told to kneel, my chin held firm so I had to look up into his face and I had to meet his eyes ...

In fact, Amber has wondered on more than one occasion about the efficacy of "kneeling" for helping me to center and calm myself in the context of our dynamic. I've been mulling her comments/questions on that subject over for awhile, trying to figure out what to say because, simply put, it just isn't the way He does things.





As with just about everything in the world of BDSM practice, there are as many different variations as there are people who do what it is that we do. From the complex and formal "slave positions" of those who model their practice on the Gor novels, to those who have lengthy contracts and lists of rules, to others who ascribe to Old Guard Leather protocols, there are ceremonies and formulas to spare. Whether a person is interested in negotiating a single scene, or going off to meet a potential play partner for the first time, or considering the offer or acceptance of a collar, or establishing the limits, boundaries, and expectations of an ongoing relationship, ours is a community that puts enormous stock in the pagentry of it all. A casual read from blog to blog around our circle, and it is possible to harvest a bushel full of ideas for BDSM rituals.



But you'll read very little of that here. The reason is that it just isn't part of how we relate most of the time.



Oh, it is true that we have some pretty consistent patterns and expectations for our actual play sessions. It is the one place where I am expected, no required, to use the honorific "Sir." And it is also true, that He has a very definitive "philosophy" about the use of safe words, although as far as either of us can remember, I've never once used a safeword with Him. I've communicated to Him, occasionally, that I have had some difficulty or problem (and He's moved to resolve whatever it was), but I've never moved to end a session with a safeword.



His expectations are very simple -- He wants to be cared for and loved; to have what He wants and needs provided smoothly and without His having to cause it to happen. He wants to be treated with respect and deference. He wants a willing play partner who will submit to His sadistic drives. He is not interested in layering on rules or rituals that require the two of us to put energy into the whethers and what ifs of enforcement and continuous correction.



I'd happily kneel at His feet if He wanted that. He generally prefers me where He can snuggle me into His chest. I'd do my level best to follow any rules He wanted to put into place, but I believe He sees no value in rules for the sake of rules.



I understand that the "formalized" rituals that so many ascribe to are intended to establish a certain mental frame of mind. I understand that it may be "easier" in some ways to maintain that sense of submission with all of those routines, but He is generally not willing to invest that much energy in something which doesn't produce anything pleasurable for Him.



So, I understand the suggestion that Amber makes, and I really do appreciate the thought, but it isn't the way my world works. I can only imagine how all that "fru-fru" slavish stuff would be, but in the end, what we do is just fine for us.



swan