Unattractive?

We've had another appearance by the ubiquitous Anonymous Commenter.  As with most of these encounters, this particular participant in the life of this blog elevates the level of the conversation with this little gem --

sooooooooooooo unattractive!

I was wondering if this was a joke blog.

Let me begin by extending a hearty "thank you!" to this charming visitor to our little home in the  blogosphere.  I've been feeling a significant dearth of things to talk about here lately.  One of the stressors of writing a blog like ours for years and years is that, over time, it can feel like there is very little left to say.  Yet, the readers remain, and one comes to feel some obligation to maintain the conversation...  What to say?  So... tonight, we'll talk about the perceptions of the poor, squicked anonymous person.

I wonder how many people, like our unfriendly commenter, wonder if this blog is some kind of joke.  Really.  I'm not sure exactly what that might mean... There are joke blogs.  They have names like "FunnyJokesBlog."  A very simple Google search will provide ample "joke blog" resources.  It isn't complicated.  Check it out:

http://yasminjokes.blogspot.com/

http://funnyjokesblog.blogspot.com/

http://jokediary.com/

\http://www.blog4humor.com/

This blog, on the other hand, has its occasional moments of high humor, but in general, it is the chronicle of our lives -- surgeries, illnesses, loss, joys, triumphs, work, laughter, celebrations, and a myriad vagaries that make a family what it is.  I suppose that there are people who cruise the cyber biways looking for people to whom they can somehow feel superior, and then make the judgement that those lives are "jokes."   I'd say that is just pitiful.  Consider -- Anonymous has no identity, and no life experience to share with any of us.  There are plenty of ordinary people who choose not to share their lives in a blog format.  That is entirely reasonable, but most of those people don't go out looking for other people to belittle.  It is one thing to lead your life quietly and privately.  I can respect and understand that.  Wandering about looking for targets -- oh shame!

Oh, but...  The intended dagger in this little insignificant snip of a comment was that bit about "unattractive."  I'd bet just about anything that our Anonymous commenter is female, because that is so classically the mode of woment stuck in junior-high-girl-clique-playground-bully-mode.  Smack another woman with a negative evaluation of the physical attributes.  In our oh so constrained society, the very narrow delineations of what constitutes physical beauty can be used to count coup on an adversary.  Hence, Anonymous declares that I am sooooooooo (many o's) unattractive.  Zing!

Except that barb has no sharpness for me.  I absolutely know that I am not classically beautiful.  I have a face full of character; perhaps too strong for a woman, but filled with the signs of who I am and what I think and how I am in the world.  I'd not trade it for some air-brushed model-pretty painted face.  I am a mature woman with a body that is no longer young and perky like a 20 year old.  I've got curves and saggy places.  I bear the marks of the pregnancies I carried, and I have my share of scars and blemishes.  They are the marks of a life lived fully.  Very few real women arrive at the age that I've achieved without a mark or two.  Judge that my physical presence is unattractive, and I'll challenge you to look with eyes that have not been taught to look at beauty the way the marketing industry teaches us to see it.  I wonder if that sort of perception is within the realm of someone like anonymous...  Probably not. 

Maybe, the unattractive comment was not aimed so much at my lovely nakedness as at the whole idea of the life I lead.  Perhaps, anonymous is repulsed by the very nature of my BDSM lifestyle and polyamorous love.  There are, to be sure, many, many people who do not understand or embrace the sort of alternative lifestyle choices that I make.  I know that, and accept that.  I even respect that, and I value those who have different life paths that have shared the journey with me.  I believe that we have learned from each other and benefited from our odd and wondrous friendships.  Of course, people like Anonymous don't "get" that friendship thing.  Friendship is about relationship, and that requires a willingness to be available and vulnerable to others.  It means that we risk being known and seen with all our glories and all our flaws -- trusting in the care and compassion and understanding of our friends.  I'd imagine that anonymous doesn't know anything about all of that.  It is all surface for the likes of that one.  So sad.

So... I'll go on writing the jokes and the truths of my life.  Presumably, anonymous won't be back.  Why would they come to visit here?  Or perhaps there is something that draws them here after all.  Could it be that a life honestly lived, fully embraced, openly described is attractive after all?

swan