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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.



Each evening, I am able to speak, by phone, with Tom.  The calls are monitored and our time is short, but the opportunity to talk is precious.  There is a protection order in place, and so Tom and T cannot have any sort of contact -- it is very hard.  Even exchanges that pass through me as intermediary are not allowed, and so we all have to be very careful.  We, none of us, want things to be made any worse at this point.

The encouraging thing is that with each call, I can hear him transforming his thinking, seeing things in a different way, coming to a new understanding.  Each time we talk, he relays to me stories of people and events that are touching him and helping him to learn about himself -- and perhaps see a path forward. 

  • On the very first day, there was a man who spoke to him of recovery and AA.  That man was released the next day.
  • On the second day, there was a man who is recovering from an addiction to cocaine who asked Tom for help with his resume.  Working together on this very prosaic task seemed to give Tom some sense of calm and a feeling of self-worth.
  • In the middle of the night, when the authorities came to wake him up and move him to another place, he found, inexplicably lying on the bare bunk, a bible.
  • Early the next morning, one of the men that shares his room, offered him a warm shirt so that he might be a bit more comfortable.
  • The library contained a book by John Bradshaw, called Homecoming, and reading that seems to be offering a depth of insight and understanding.
  • This morning he had the opportunity to attend a meeting with three men from AA.  It seems it was an emotional experience.  They left him with a copy of the AA Big Book.

I don't know what any of that will end up meaning.  I am hoping that this is a beginning of a new path ahead for us all.  We have huge obstacles to overcome -- legal and financial, as well as personal.  Nothing is likely to be resolved quickly.  Perhaps I am grasping at straws, but I am collecting these bits of encouragement and holding them close.



  1. I am so glad that you are having bright encouraging moments!! And I am pleased that Tom is finding some help/direction whatever you want to call it.

    May these good moments continue !!

  2. Each moment of hope and light is something to hold onto, and to be treasured in the difficult times ahead. you are all in my thoughts.

  3. Thank you so much for this news. It can be ever so hard to stop resisting, to stop being defensive, and to allow oneself to consider things in a different way. What has been happening offers at least a hint of a hint of the possibility for change.


  4. I'm happy to hear that Tom is starting to use the resources available to him, and that you and he can communicate, although briefly. I hope you all continue to move forward and do the best you can. Much continued support and positive thoughts.

  5. Sue and T, I hope things go well. I'm hoping for Tom too.

  6. To all of you,

    Thank you for keeping us all updated and allow us to learn from your journeys.

    I Hope each day has a new silver lining and that each of you is able to find a way back to a better place. Sometimes it comes breath by breath, moment by moment, because to think too far ahead too soon is just...well, too much. Please try not to overwhelm yourselves either as can so easily happen in traumatic times.

    Most helpful advice I got when things became crazy in my past, was to breath. The hard part, was remembering to.

    Continued good thoughts being sent your ways,

  7. Yes, you really do have an elephant here, and it really does have to be eaten. I'd say it's official now, if we were in any doubt before.

    Good thing you really only have to concern yourself with one bite. That's it. Never think about more than just the one bite. And when you find yourself starting to obsess about the whole elephant, tell yourself to STOP. Reprogram the little (yet powerful) voice in your head to just work on one bite at a time.

    And as has been said already, breathe. Just breathe. Master used to tell me that during the dark days of my son's stay in a psychiatric hospital following his suicide attempt. I really didn't know how to breathe sometimes back then. I certainly didn't always know how to do some of the simplest tasks. What kept me going, and ultimately got me here, almost 6 years later, was just taking 1 bite at a time, and breathing.

    You can do it. All of you, all 3 of you. There is a wealth of help available to you all. Professional and personal help too. I think you know how to get in touch with me if you ever want a listening ear. I suspect there are countless others who would gladly do the same.

    With all the love and healing energy I can possibly send your way,

    PS - For the record, the child unit is now healthy and well-adjusted and happily attending university. I made it, and so did he.

  8. Take things one day at a time, and if that is too much do one hour at a time. Take care of yourself, even with those we love, we have to remember our own needs. Hugs to you and hugs to T, I hope she is getting well.

  9. And if one hour at a time is too much, survive minute by minute....

    Much love to you all,

  10. Anonymous12:02 PM

    I know that many people have been offering you much official literature and books, but there is a tiny corner of the blog world with a little personal experience that helps make one laugh and understand a little the posible ways the mind works, this blog has much humor in it -

    Master has been clean and sober for 20 years now (21 in March) and while I was not the one to go through the time of changes with Him - I still work to understand it each and every day as does He. There is much humor and practical life understanding out in the world as well as the formalities of sobriety in whatever form it takes. Best of luck to you and yours.

    Much love,


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