Part of what has been difficult, as we've moved through these early weeks of living with and trying to address the issues created by His PTSD, is that exact habit of waiting. Symptomatic of the disorder is a constellation of symptoms that interfere with His ability and inclination to direct our lives, set the direction, or exert control in the same way.
- When it comes time to prepare a meal -- He doesn't care.
- If asked if He wants a hug or a kiss, most often He'll respond, "Yeah, I guess."
- Should T or I suggest doing anything -- a movie, or a snuggle perhaps -- He'll say, "whatever you guys want."
Through everyday, that small, defeated, disengaged sound is the voice of the Man who has been the dynamic center of our world. It is a scary thing. The king has simply walked off His throne and left us standing there looking at one another, wondering what to do next.
Who steps in to fill the void? Should we do that? Is there an option?
And when we do move to take charge, to make decisions, to manage in the gap -- how do we cope, emotionally with His sense of being manipulated, and emasculated by our actions? It is an impossible dilemma.
And so ... we swing back and forth from expectant waiting to necessary action and decision making. Just another place where life is out of kilter -- for now.