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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.

1/15/2011

She is gone....

Yesterday, the entire family made it to Mom's house. Coming from all over Ohio and Michigan, we met and each person had time to speak with Mom while she was still aware. We had Hospice on hand, around the clock, to keep her comfortable. As the evening went on, my niece (Mom's primary care giver) and I finally laid down for naps around midnight and I sent Tom and Sue home for bed. It looked like Mom was going to linger and everyone was exhausted. At 1am, I was awaken and told it was time. The family was around Mom's bed. We all told her we loved her and that it was ok, we would all be fine. And at 1:07am, she breathed her last breath. There was no final struggle for air. She just slowed her breathing and then stopped.

I called Tom and he and Sue came right back. Everyone was able to spend whatever time they wanted with Mom before our Hospice nurse called the funeral home. And Tom drove me home at 4am.

My Mom was not only the anchor of our family, she was the heart. She held each of us as fiercely as a mother bear and as gently as if we were baby birds. We were her pride and joy and she loved each and every one of us as if we were the MOST IMPORTANT person in her world. We have become blended over marriage and divorce and she loved each part of the whole as if they were her own blood. She was a woman who never met anyone she disliked. Everyone was her friend and everyone was welcome.

I will miss her terribly. I feel very lost and scared about being without her guidance and love. I know she is with Dad and they are sharing the world's largest ice cream cone and dancing a jitterbug, finally together again.

To all of you who have sent such kindness to me and my family, I cannot thank you enough. Your support has held me up on the darkest of days and has given me strength to continue.

To my Tom and my Sue, she loved you dearly. And I cannot express how glad I was to know that when I was down, you were there holding her and loving her, just as much as I was. I love you both so much and so did she.

Her final wish was that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Just as she cared for the children of her heart, she cared for all children.

T

29 comments:

  1. oh dear T - my heart goes out to you. There really aren't any words to make the hurt/pain go away... but I hope knowing that friends are rallying around you - holding you close despite the distance - will help a little bit.

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  2. My sympathies go out to you and your family.

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  3. My heart goes out to you and the family.

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  4. My heart goes out to all of you. I am glad the end was gentle and she was surrounded by love. I know the loss is still hard and painful, holding you all on my thoughts and prayers.

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  5. "I'm sorry for your loss" seems like a very easy and rote thing to say. But it is clear your mother's passing is a very great loss indeed, for all who knew and loved her. I ache for you - but am glad she is at rest.

    o.g.

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  6. Anonymous12:24 PM

    my thoughts and prayers are with you!!

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  7. I am so sorry to hear that your mother is gone. Words at a time like this are always hard... I hope you find some comfort in the wonderful memories you have of your mom.

    Whenever I read descriptions of your mother - it reminds me of what I know about you from reading this blog. From what I can tell, you seem very much like your mother which is something to be very proud of.

    All my best,
    jojo

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  8. HUGS, warm thoughts and prayers for all.
    abby

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  9. Dearest T,

    Jojo said my same thought...I would say about you what you said of her. She must be wear your lovely and true heart came from...When my dad died, I felt unanchored and scared. Someone pointed out to me, that the relationship with him did not end, it merely changed. Though I am not too into "woo woo" stuff...I have found this to be true. There are times I feel him around me, and feel he has a hand in certain turns of fate or luck....I hope she visits you in dreams and that you find her love is strong enough to find you even after she has passed over.

    hugs and hugs...

    Tangerine

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  10. My Dearest Sister-Heart -- this is the truest, warmest, best tribute our Eleanor, our mother, could have: these words that say to all the world that she was the best, kindest, most generous, most steadfast of people. That is the very simple, and profound truth of her life. I will forever be glad for having been "mothered" by your mother in these years when I was so far from home, and so often aware of the lack of a mother in my own life. In 9 years, there has never been a birthday when she did not make sure I had a card, never a Christmas when I did not receive a gift, never a family gathering when I was not included in the circle without a single question. For her, it was always enough that "we" were. She may not have understood what "we" were, but she accepted that reality and opened her heart and her home. Amazing!

    Today, I feel as if I have floated loose from my moorings. I cannot make sense of a world that does not have Eleanor in it. I am relieved that she is no longer engaged in the awful battle that she has fought so bravely since her stroke, but I am terribly sad to have lost her love and constant friendship. As that is true for me, I cannot imagine, how much more deeply you are lost this day. I am so sorry.

    She was a remarkable force for life and love, and her legacy lives on in you, her wonderful, kind, loving, steadfast daughter. I hope, in a little while, that will be your comfort.

    I love you,
    Sue

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  11. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my mom over 6 years age. Mostly now I remember her as young and healthy. That took a little while but it feel better now.

    PK

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  12. weirdgirl4:00 PM

    deepest condolences to you all, and especially to you T.

    warm hugs

    weirdgirl

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  13. My deepest sympathy to you T, and indeed to everyone who loved your Mom. She leaves an amazing legacy in each of you which shows the world what a wonderful person she is.

    My hope is that as you celebrate her life you will find a measure of peace and comfort to sustain you through the days of grief ahead. She is physically gone, and yet truly, is with you always.

    Blessings, love, encouragement, and Peace
    Tapestry
    xoxo

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  14. Dear T, I am sending my love and thoughts to you all.Your love for each other must have made your mother very happy, knowing you were safe and loved by the wonderful people in your life,A mother wants for nothing else for their children, no matter how old they are. It sounds like you were given a wonderful mother and have many wonderful memories to recall in difficult times. HSxx

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  15. Anonymous6:46 PM

    I'm so sorry...

    Annelin

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  16. Impish17:16 PM

    T, am so sorry fo your loss, for all of your loss. It seems from your words that the whole world has lost. Let her phenomenal love stay with you and nurture you now.

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  17. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. T- your mother sounds like an amazing person! I hope through this tragedy perhaps though one door has closed another will open. May this help the three of you to grow past the recent issues and focus on your appreciation of one another even more. *hugs and warm wishes*

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  18. sweetsassyT8:44 PM

    My condolences to you, T, and all of your family and all who were blessed to know your mom's kindness, support, and unconditional love. Your words give her tribute as do your actions for those you extend yourself to as she did every single day. I have to reiterate what was said above. As hard as it is to imagine, you will continue to know her, just in a different way. She will continue to love you and you will most definitely feel her support. I pray the loving thoughts and generous hearts around you will fill you with peace at this time of sorrow. Blessing to each of you.

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  19. My thoughts are with you all. Be well. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  20. Dear T and Family,

    My heartfelt sympathies to each of you.

    A wonderful hospice Chaplin once told me that he thought about passing over like those getting on a plane for a journey to another destination that we will one day also go to. We can see them to the gate, and they wave as they take off, pure energy and freedom, laughing and telling us not to worry, that all is as it is supposed to be.

    Since I lost my mom suddenly two years ago, I have 'felt when something that happened had to do with her. I am sure that you too will find that to be true, most times when you least expect it, but other times, when you need it.

    Warmest wishes from our family to yours,
    Mystress

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  21. I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been away and just read through your last three months of pain and chaos, and by the time I got back to the present found this final blow.

    It must seem unbearable at this point. Nonetheless I have faith that you can and will bear it, and your family will come through. You are all incredibly strong.

    By sharing your lives here you've truly changed mine. Your family is a brilliant ray of light for a lot of us out here. You'll get through this. You all deserve a bright future, and I know you can find it.

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  22. Dear Herons,
    My condolences to you all. It sound as if your mother left quite a legacy of loving, T. I"m sending my warmest wishes winging your way.

    kelly

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  23. Please accept my Mistress's and my condolences on the loss of your mother. It sounds like she was a remarkable loving woman who was nothing short of an angel on earth.

    -Bella

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  24. Very nice post T, and a fine portrait of your mother. Glad it was not a difficult death, perhaps it will help in healing your recent troubles.

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  25. my sincerest condolences to all of you~ many many warm tight hugs sent your way~~~

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  26. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, T. I'm sorry for the world's loss as well. But I am heartened to know your mother's spirit and inspiration live on in you and everyone she touched.

    Take care of you.

    ~Chloe

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  27. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

    Love and hugs,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  28. I lost my mother early and am so glad you have shared so much time with yours. She sounds an amazing lady. Can't think what to write without swimming in cliches but will be thinking of you all...

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  29. Anonymous11:55 AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. May you stay safe and loved together.

    With deepest sympathies from our home to yours.

    magdala~

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