Goodness!

Saturday morning came swimming up slowly for us. We'd been up late on Friday night, and neither of us woke up quickly or easily. I came up out of the depths first and He slept deeply there beside me. I snuggled into His warmth and the safety of His body and wanted a spanking...

A real spanking. Not something light. Not something sexy. Not the sort of thing that He has been trying to do lately that I know is calculated to try and bring me along and "help me get there," whatever that might mean. I was simply hungry and needing the connection that only a real session can bring to us if I can get through it (if He will take me through it) without breaking.

It is not a usual thing anymore. Not common for me to be the one who wants. Not me who curls into Him and whimpers in longing. And... when the longing is on me, I am reluctant to give it voice. It is so rare and so fragile, and so often I fall off the cliff of what could be as opposed to what is.

But, He heard the whimpers and asked "what? Do you want a spanking?"When Master asks that question, it WILL be answered and truthfully. I told Him that yes I did but that I was uncertain that He was feeling well this particular morning. He assured me that He could get to feeling just fine. Over the pillows I went, breathless with anticipation and longing and only a small tinge of fear.

I'm not sure of the details of the spanking. Which thing came first? Which next? Strap? Cane? How many? How long? Doesn't matter -- those are His concerns. I was there. Not struggling particularly. Hurting, surely, but going into it and with it rather than against it. And then, the drop into the place that I think must be my version of subspace... It is, for me, like the first big drop on a giant roller-coaster: everything that comes before it is uphill and an effort, and then (if it happens) I feel myself crest the top and fall into whatever is on the other side and take flight. I've never found a "trick" that gets me there. It is, when it happens, joy and gift and wonder. I can "see" it coming just before it happens, but have no idea how to make it happen. Oh well...

"Space" for me gives Him greater leeway to go where He wants to go. I'll take almost anything once I'm in flight. My mind will chatter some, but slowly, and my body will just work it all. When He went for the lexan paddle, I heard it and felt myself hoping He wouldn't drag me out of the place where I was, but I was there and just going with it all. So -- paddling. Lexan. And it was fine. And then... it was more than fine. I was riding the waves, wondering at what was happening to me when a huge wave caught me and crashed through me. Not a wave of pain but a wave of sexual energy that caught me from out of the blue and drove me into a wild and wailing orgasm. Suddenly, I was being paddled and the power of the sexual fireworks were sweeping through me; flooding from between my legs as I wailed and moaned and panted.

Goodness!

swan