OTK?

We have a new sofa. Black leather and it reclines. It is really comfy.

Oddly, having it sit there in the living room day after day has me thinking about OTK. I wonder where THAT comes from? We don't do OTK. Ever. Well, OK...hardly ever. Probably, in the time we've been together, I've been over His knee maybe four or five times.

There are probably a whole host of reasons for that:

• He has arthritis in His knees. One was replaced in 2005, and the other one needs to be replaced. He's never said to me that doing OTK hurts Him, but I worry anyway.
• I have tended to feel insecure in the over the lap position. Along with my hearing loss, there is a balance/equilibrium issue, and there is something about being upended that causes me to become convinced that I am in danger of falling. Never mind the logic of it -- after all, even if I did fall from His lap (which is highly unlikely) it isn't like I'd fall 50 feet!
• Before His surgery, He was heavy enough that there really wasn't much lap to lay across. It's a pretty pedestrian reason for not doing things that way, but there it is.
• I've always just felt awkward and out of proportion in the customary "over the knee" position. Somehow, the "too tall" thing seems to get exagerated when I'm across His lap. I don't suppose that would matter if He were determined, but as things stand, it lessens the likelihood...
• I think, too, that OTK feels very much connected with and evocative of DD (domestic discipline), and that just isn't our kink. We're much more attuned to good old fashioned BDSM play. People often think that BDSM is all about "sex," but there are times when "our" kind of kink relies on more distance. Intimacy that is too close seems to interfere in some fashion.
• I also think that OTK might be too restrictive for Him. I don't know. We've never actually discussed it, but I'd imagine it could be difficult or impossible to use some implements with me over His lap.

I don't know what's going on with my mind these days. I seem more inclined to think about spanking and more likely to be thinking about it in odd ways -- at least odd ways for me. Maybe I've just gotten old -- or maybe I'm finally through the hormonal morass of the last few years. Whatever. all I know for sure is that the comfy black sofa just sits there looking at me, and in my mind at least, the idea of OTK speaks of intimacy and closeness and long, sensual, hand spankings. I'm probably just fanasizing my way to disappointment, but knowing that doesn't seem to have any impact at all on my wayward, kinky brain.

swan