Things That Freak Me Out

I approach living inside of our M/s dynamic with a pretty simple philosophy -- I try to do what He would want me to do. I work to meet up to expectations, and I follow the rules, and I really intend to make His life easier and less challenting. It isn't complicated, and I am usually pretty successful with all of that. However, there are times when I get caught in some set of circumstances that, as a slave, I just don't see coming. When that happens, I get surprised and freaked out and a little bit scared.

Yesterday, I mashed into one of those places.

He called me from work and asked me to take a look at a document that had some ideas for a piece of a project we've been working on together. He was in a bit of a hurry for me to check this out and give Him some feedback. I was actually out at the store when He called, but I hurried and finished my shopping and headed home to check for His email. I found it, and the attached document -- downloaded it to my computer and went to look at it. It was complete gibberish -- that sort of computer junk that you get when you can't actually READ the file you've just downloaded. I tried to call Him and He didn't answer His phone.

I sat there stymied, trying to figure out what to do. Then I remembered that He'd told me that the newer verison of Microsoft Office (the one that comes on the new Vista equipped machines) puts out documents in a format that can't be read by older versions of the software (unless the person specifies otherwise -- how annoying is that?). Thinking quickly, I reasoned that since His new computer has the appropriate operating system, maybe I could download the document there and look at it on His computer. So, I turned on His machine and repeated the process, and voila', there it was. I sat there looking over the material and preparing to give Him my response when someone popped up in an IM box on His screen saying, "Hi. How's it going?"

I froze. I wasn't sure what I should do. I didn't have any idea who this person was, and it was clear that whoever it was expected to find Master on the other end of the exchange. Of course they did. I didn't want them to think that He was being rude and just ignoring them. But I wasn't the person they were wanting to talk to either. What should I do?

Finally, I typed, "He isn't here."

"OK," came back across the screen, and I breathed a little easier. Then, "tell Him Pete was here."

"I will," I typed back.

That's when things escalated. Pete asked who I was, and I told Him that I was "swan." He told me that he was arranging for Master to discipline him when they could agree on a time. He said he'd like to talk with me if I had time.

I gulped. Hard. I didn't even know about this guy. If I was supposed to know about him, surely Master would have told me. I was pretty sure that getting engaged with this person wasn't "right" somehow. I didn't want to be impolite or unkind -- I was mindful that Master has told me that it is my responsibility to be hospitable on His behalf. I was caught. Finally, I told Pete that I'd be happy to talk to him, but I felt like I needed to ask Master first. If it turned out that it was "ok," then we'd figure out how to set up a chance to talk.

I signed off, and sat there shaking. Really. I knew that I'd acted with absolutely honest intent, and I knew that I wasn't intending to trespass into an area that Master meant to keep private. I wanted to talk to Master. I wanted to explain it. I wanted to make sure that He didn't think that I was prying or something of the sort. I was terribly upset.

He did, eventually, call. He heard my shakiness right away and asked me what was the matter. The whole story just poured out of me -- all of it, including my sense of having stumbled into something "bad" that I never even knew about. He just laughed. Told me that this guy has been around for a couple of years -- is the Master version of the HNG who keeps on pestering even though there is no interest on this end at all. "Calm down," He told me, "it is nothing at all, and you are just fine."

And, so... I settled in and started to breathe normally again and went back to my life, secure in the knowledge that I'd figured out how to do the right thing even under surprising circumstances.

swan