We haven't spanked. Not for a very long time. He's not been interested -- not in sex and not in SM play.
I've tried, on a few occasions to talk Him into it, to tell Him I needed a spanking, maybe even to tempt Him with a wiggle and a wink... No go. He told me that it just el like "service topping" to Him -- and He HATES feeling like a service top.
After awhile, I quit asking, stopped hoping, tucked my collar into a drawer, and resigned myself to a life without...
So, this week, when things began to come back around, when He and I finally reconnected and began to understand that we could choose to walk another path from the one we'd embarked on, things started to feel better. He began to look at me again, with eyes that actually saw me. I got my collar back out and put it on. Walking past me, in the kitchen or in the bedroom, He would playfully swat my butt, and my heart would skip a beat and soar.
This morning, at last, we woke up together, wrapped around each other, having slept well and long. We made love and it was good. Afterwards, we curled into one another and drowsed in the warm drowsiness of a bright fall morning. I didn't know what He was thinking or planning, and didn't want to seem to be demanding. I softly asked if He wanted me to make breakfast so we could get out and walk. He told me that He thought He'd rather spank me.
Joy! I was ecstatic and thrilled and desperate to be "good" for this first venture back into the play that has bound us to one another for years...
I got myself arranged over the pillow that we often use for spanking, and He seemed intent on lots of knife play and a little light hand spanking. I was completely focused on Him, wanting to just follow His lead and be whatever it was He wanted me to be in the moment. Lots of knives, so many different edges and sensations, and some light straps -- and then... WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! It was a paddle, and so heavy that it pounded into me, jarring my pelvis and eliciting grunts and howls. Not many strokes -- perhaps six or maybe a few more. It left me quivering, shuddering, shaking, with only a few whimpers as I calmed back down. He told me, "After all this time of wanting to get spanked, you needed at least a little intensity." Then, He went on with other implements that were more in keeping with what we most often do these days. It was good and powerful and I felt "successful" at the end of it. Successful in my world has to do with being good, with reacting well, with coming to the end of it all knowing that I've done what He wants. Today was like that, and I was thrilled and happy. I wasn't feeling terribly spanked, although I knew, at the end, that I was limp and a little foggy. I did ask Him what it was that He'd used that was so heavy and so intense in the beginning part of the session, and He told me that it was the Jokari paddle. Wow! It really was as intense as it felt! It wasn't until later this afternoon, that I really noticed that I had some sore places -- not awful but there and just having that sensation made me feel so much better than I have for weeks now.
Just one more place where we are recovering our footing in the aftermath of this latest passage. Whatever we thought we were about, today it seems we have found our way back into life and health and happiness and love.