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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.


Thoughts on Slavery

I've always thought that, if I am paying attention, pretty much everything that happens in my life comes with lessons for me to learn.  I've written so much, over the years, about slavery, and what it means -- how it works in my life.  I think what I'm learning, in this most recent passage is about the question of dependency:  "Is it possible to be a slave without a Master" or in my case, "Is it possible to be a slave when the Master is not, in the moment, capable of or available for the overt exercise of Dominance?"

I have been poking at those questions, in the same way that one tends to poke at an aching tooth.  It is almost irresistable to test that spot, explore it, wonder about what it might be and how it impacts on my reality.

What has been interesting is that, as we've wandered this part of the path together, He and I, I've not questioned the reality of my slavery -- but He has seriously and sincerely questioned His Dominance.  Recognizing that dichotomy, I've wondered if it might be that my slavery is not dependent on Him, but His Mastery is dependent on me.

It is an interesting reversal.  For me, the slaving is simply a given -- in good times and in  bad, I do what I do.  I love it when I find the disciplines of my slavery to be fulfilling and exciting, but they remain and continue even when neither condition is met.  I do not need to be excited or fulfilled to carry on in exactly the same ways.  On the other hand, it seems that His sense of ownership is directly connected to His perception of His own capacity to extract my submission.  It does not seem to matter that submission is freely and unalterably given with or without His direct intent or action.  He needs to experience the visceral sensation of enslaving me, in some ongoing fashion, in order to also experience His own Dominance. 

Heidegger defines human existence as an ability to anticipate and direct itself toward future possibilities.  Perhaps, that is the most essential fact of slaving -- that each act of the slave is directed toward the future potential and possibility of creating pleasure and satisfaction in the Master.  The slave comes to unconsciously move and act, continually, in ways that move to the possibility.  It seems though, that for the one who seeks to own, to control, to be Master, there is the absolute essential requirement for immediate evidence of the exercise of that power.  The Master seems to recognize Himself in the existence of the slave.  It is a phenomenon that seems to occur only in the moment -- moment to moment, without that reference to future that is the regular domain of the slave.



  1. Interesting piece my friend....and not an unfamiliar situation (both from our own experience and through what I've read and seen of other relationships).

    love and hugs xxx

  2. Hi elle! I do imagine that your situation gives rise to some of this same dynamic. I don't know what it all means exactly, but I do find it intriguing that He seems more prone to question His natural inclinations than I do when life changes bring us to challenging passes.

    hugs, swan


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