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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.
Then we put ourselves through the role reversal of disciplinary switching, and things seemed to skid to a complete and total halt. His interest levels fell to nothing. Through these last weeks, He's been glad to snuggle, He's been very verbally affirming and loving. He's been happy to make love, and I suspect that we engage with one another sexually on a much more regular basis than many people who are nowhere near our ages. He just has not felt particularly Dominant, and has been relatively disinterested in spanking.
The really ironic thing about that circumstance has been that I have just begun to experience a sexual renaissance. My libido has risen, phoenix-like, from the ashes, and while I have no explanation for that, I am thrilled. The new incarnation of my sexual self seems (to me) to be almost entirely wrapped up in sadomasochism, and I find that regular vanilla sex, while pleasant enough, holds very little potential to excite me. For me, in these days, sex and SM play are equivalents -- one and the same. NOW I've got longings. NOW I've got imaginings. NOW I've got fantasies galore. Figures.
And that is where things have stood. I've felt sad about it. I've figured it was my doing. I have heard my mother's mean and nasty voice in my mind -- "You made your bed, now lie in it!" I've told myself that aging is an unavoidable reality, and there is nothing to be done about it.
Then, today, things shifted suddenly. Today, He's been after me, in hot pursuit, wanting to take me where we haven't gone together in years and years. Not service toppy, but full on sadistic Dominance. He's suddenly come roaring up out of whatever slough of despond had Him mired down, and the whole world seems different. NOW my longings, my fantasies, and my imaginings are matched by His wants, fantasies, and desires. We are locked in a mating dance.
I am nervous.
He thinks that is cute.
I am filled with doubts and performance anxiety.
He finds that exciting.
I want with a breathlessness that seems more like 15 than 55 years.
He wants with an intensity that belies His years.
We are locked in a mating dance.
We need time. We need opportunity. We need hours to be with one another. That will come. We are locked in a mating dance.