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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.

10/20/2010

The Spanking Thing -- Resurgence

I am a spanko.  At least, I have been a spanko.  And...  it seems to me, in these last few days, or maybe weeks (I'm not exactly sure), that my spanking thing seems to have undergone a resurgence.  A revival.  It is springtime here in spanko land.  I've always liked springtime :-)

The timeline goes like this --
  • 10 years ago, when we first met online, I was just beginning to explore, and I was sooooo... hungry.  I'd spent years -- even decades -- dreaming about what it might be like to be spanked in an erotic context.  I'd masturbated, since my very early adolescence to mental stories of strict and immovably controlling, very dominant men.  The fantasies that I constructed around all of that sustained me through a nearly three decade long, sad travesty of a marriage.  
  • Eight and one half years ago, I moved to live full time with Master and T.  There were four of us in those days, but the husband that I brought with me when I made the move across the country was already beginning to fade out of my life.  Even as that was happening, Master and I were deep in the first throes of NRE.  We were new lovers engaging in wildly erotic, over the top SM play and we were insatiable.  We played everyday, sometimes more than once a day, and our play was high end.  We frequently worked our way through the entire toy collection -- dozens and dozens of implements -- and it was our usual practice to DO 100 strokes with each implement.  We'd spank and spank and I'd love it, and then curl up and sleep -- drifting away on an endorphin cloud.  Most often, New Relationship Energy runs its course in a few months or a year.  For us, NRE went on and on. 
  • Five years ago, I underwent a total hysterectomy.  I had uterine fibroids, and less invasive forms of treatment failed.  I was, more and more frequently, experiencing extremely heavy, hemorrhagic bleeding that interfered with my work and our lives.  Too, my health and well-being was increasingly at risk.  The aftermath of the surgery left me with severely limited sexual responsiveness.  Although we sought out medical advice, and although I went through a significant course of hormone replacement therapy, my sexual responses were forever changed.  I sank into depression.  Medication and therapy were part of my road back, but mostly it took time.  A long time.  We went on spanking through all of those years, but my joy and my desire were just not there.  I submitted, sometime more successfully than others, but it was a struggle and He knew it.  My unhappiness lived between us -- hurt us both.
Now, years later, I've healed.  I've adjusted to what is my sexual reality.  And, for reasons that I do not entirely understand, I've come back around to the awareness of my spanking orientation as intimately linked to my sexuality.  I dream of Him spanking me.   I imagine His hands on me.  I spend the long, late hours of the night lost in the fantasy of SM play with Him, and that is good and sexy and hot.  My spanking thing is back...  My mind and my body are back in sync, and the spanko me is thrilled. 

swan

5 comments:

  1. What a lovely, positive, heart-warming post - thank you for making me smile on your behalf - long may your "thrills" continue :-)

    Ana xxx

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  2. Hooray! Oh swan.... this post gives me hope that I will someday find my sexuality again. After the removal of my ovaries and my breasts (and other cancer treatments) I am still struggling to feel fully aroused and to have orgasms. It still happens for me... just not as easily or as frequently or as strong as before. I'm sure I will never be the same as i was - but I hope there will be an increase in my libido from where i am now. blah

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  3. jojo -- I despaired of ever being "the same" as I was before. My responses were so reduced; my orgasms so weak and "fluttery" that I hardly noticed them. They would fizzle before they ever got fully going. Here lately though, it seems to me that I am back to full, rolling, strong orgasms, and (perhaps obviously) my libido seems to have revived as well. I don't have any explanation other than the passage of time... I hope it turns out that time does the trick for you as well.

    hugs, swan

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  4. Oh this is such welcome news for me, too!!

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  5. O, that's a wonderful story. I'm glad I found it this morning. Thank you!

    aisha

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