Mom Update

Yesterday was an emotionally stressful day for me. Tom and I went to North Dayton to meet with an elder-care Attorney to discuss setting up Guardianship for Mom. I spent the last week gathering every piece of paper, documentation, begging bankers & financial planners for statements and copying everything for the Attorney. We learned there is more to this than we expected. I will become Guardian of Mom, the person and I will become Guardian of Mom's Estate. We discussed way to protect her assets if/when it is time to file for Medicaid (she cannot keep her home, if she goes on Medicaid and there are many rules of what she can and cannot have purchased with her assets). The attorney was great. He was thorough, he was considerate, and I think impressed that I was as organized as I was. And a HUGE help was having Tom there to ask the right things and his knowledge of the disability field and the ins and outs of Guardians caring for the disabled. Tom held my hand the entire, emotionally draining day. I am sooooo damned lucky!

We left there and visited Mom at the hospital. She has been in hospital for 7 days since moving from the nursing home to have her Peg-Tube replaced for the 3rd time. We had her taken to a different hospital and they have done wonders for her physically and, I believe, emotionally. She is not as aggressively hostile. She seems more relaxed and understands more. There was one time that she wadded her sheet and handed it to me. I asked her what was I supposed to do with it, and with an imperial wave, shrug and guttural vocalization, we clearly understood that she didn't CARE what I did with it, she didn't want it anymore. BIG STEP! While we were at the hospital, one of the nursing/rehab facilities came to visit. I spent about 5 hours of my workday on Thursday researching local rehab facilities. Checking ratings, evaluations, health reports, staffing, location....you name it, I had the statistics. I narrowed it down to 3 in the southern part of Dayton. This way, my brother who lives nearest Mom can get to her in about 12 minutes. I can get to any of these locations within 30 minutes. This makes her close enough that I can get to her after my 10 hour work day and not feel fried the next day. The administrator of the facility asked us if we had time to visit the facility today and we MADE time. After visiting Mom, we headed south to explore what we hoped would be her new housing.

We liked. We liked everything we saw and heard and DIDN'T smell. You know, some facilities when you walk in are a odiferous combination of antiseptic and urine. Not so here. A cheerful lobby with an Internet cafe (Not that Mom would use that even when she was her normal self!), LOTs of staff mingling and working with residents, a good OT room that was in use, a good PT room that was in use, we saw the rooms, we met staff, we got our questions answered and I left with a sense of calm and relief. This place will care for my Mom better than I am able to at this point. That is HUGE for me. I need to know that I will not get twice daily calls of concern from the facility about behavior that worries them and they do not address. I want to be part of the process, but if she is taking her gown off in the hall, dammit, DO SOMETHING other than call me 42 miles away!

Driving home, I was exhausted. I didn't realize how much I have been dreading the day. Worried that I would not be able to care for Mom and her assets. Worried that I would not be "worthy" in the courts eyes, worried that I would lose her assets and she would have nothing left if she gets well enough to come home. I learned that I am strong enough and worthy to take care of my Mom. That I have a fantastic partner who will support me in whatever I do and will pick up the reins when I am having a rotten day. That we found someplace safe and clean and caring for my Mom to live and rehab.

I guess I was not the only exhausted person in the car ride back to Cincy. Tom slept the entire trip and he seldom does that. Guess we both worked hard. We were exhausted, but it was a good exhaustion....a job well done.

T