Romantic

A couple of days ago, I made a comment in response to morningstar's musings about what sort of "label" might or might not be a fit for the way she is experiencing her place in the lifestyle at present.  She talked about having lived as a submissive; having worked at trying to be a slave; having recently tried to play as a bottom -- and not feeling as if any of those roles really worked for her.  She also talked about her long history in the lifestyle community; how she got her start, and the things that have inspired and excited her as she has traveled the path. 

I suggested that, perhaps, the label she is looking for is "romantic," and then I went on to take some liberties with the way I proposed to define the word.  Life went on, things got busy, and I hadn't checked back in to see what else might have come of the conversation -- until today.  Today, with a bit of time to spend, I went back to find that some nameless person had taken my suggestion and opined that she didn't think that the BDSM activities that she finds "hot" are romantic.  Idiot!  Literal fool.  Isn't it possible to conceive of a notion of the word, "romantic" that would encompass our kind of relating?  Why can we not play at the edges of the alternative sexual realm and still experience something that we might fairly and honestly characterize as "romantic?"

A simple Internet search yields a range of definitions for the word, romantic:  consisting of or resembling a romance; having no basis in fact : imaginary; impractical in conception or plan : visionary; responsive to the imaginary appeal of what is idealized, heroic, or adventurous;  marked by expressions of love or affection; constituting the part of the hero especially in a light comedy.  Clearly, beyond the somewhat narrow understanding of the word, this is a definition that allows for those of us who live and love LARGE; who love with imagination and a sense of adventure; who are even willing to allow for the possibility that sometimes love is a heroic thing -- or a comedy.

In terms of the etymology of the word, the sense of "love" that we associate with the idea of romance comes from the middle ages, when Latin was the language of the intellectuals but the languages of the people -- i.e., the Romance languages -- were the vulgar languages in which love stories were written. 

I know that the common wisdom is that romance is about flowers and candy and sappy music -- about sugary sweet weddings and fairy tale happily ever after endings.  Mature people love maturely.  They come to know who they are, and they leave that adolescent dreaminess behind in favor of real love, and real romance with real partners.  I suggested to morningstar that, as a "romantic," I could see her loving those people who would honor the woman she has come to be; who would strive to meet her needs and fulfill her desires -- even as she did the same for them.  In my view, that constitutes "romance," and I'd rather live my life with that sort of romantic love than the flowery fantsies of my youth.

swan