I get so I just know that everyone else in the entire spanking universe is way better at it on every level than I am.
It just doesn't seem fair, somehow.
I've worked and struggled and suffered to hang onto my spanking orientation and stay "in the game" through all the various ups and downs of the last few years, but there are times when it is just hard for me.
When that happens (and I'm sort of there right now) my head fills with images of the way EVERYONE ELSE is and the way EVERYONE ELSE feels about this... And, in my head at least, you all look just like this--
Yup. I know that all the other folks getting spanked out there are young and gorgeous with hair that never gets messed up and pretty, made-up faces that smile sweetly through their spankings. I know that I am the only one who gets angry and frightened and upset during spankings -- the only one who comes through it feeling hurt and sad and all alone sometimes. I know that I am the only one who works to avoid spankings -- who fantasizes about them, but who realizes that fantasy and reality aren't the same -- so best to keep those fantasies quiet.
Arrrgh! I am such a conflicted spanko sometimes. What's up with that? Can't you hear me whining: "Why can't I be like all the other girls?"
swan
You are not alone Swan.
ReplyDeleteI too am a slightly confused spanko.
Yes I want it and need it so why do I fight it?
I whinge about losing points and beg not to be spanked but that is what I WANT! No wonder I get headaches with that stuff running around in there.
Jay.
Swan~
ReplyDeleteWe are all ugly ducklings in our own minds, believe me. I think that blogs often portray a false reality. I know that the things I write about really do happen, but also there are endless, not fun, things that happen that are never mentioned. We all have doubts and fears and confusions. Certainly, you got it right when you said that fantasies and reality are miles apart.
Oh, and my verification word for this comment is bareen!
Carly
Swan, however did you get those pictures of me???
ReplyDeleteOn a serious note, me too...me too!
I wish that I looked like that. Once upon a time I did, but at that time in my life, I wasn't a spanko, so there's no little red bottom memories for me when my ass was apple shaped like that.
ReplyDeleteI have child birth hips now. And I don't bother with makeup most of the times because I'm a wash and wear kinda gal. Makeup is for performing and very formal nights out...nights that there will be no muss and when the lighting will make me look like a ghost if I don't wear it. Otherwise, makeup and fiddly hair is ugly waiting to happen when it runs all over from kissing, cum and sweat.
I think sex and spanking is supposed to be messy and smudged and its not always supposed to be fun if you are in the kind of relationship you are in. I've never had a DD nor a TPE kind of relationship, so punishment or go until he's done, rather than when I'm done is just not part of how things are with me and my partners. Perhaps some day, that will be so, but I've not got that kind of relationship in my life and none are on the horizon.
Were I though? I'd be upset alot of time too. For sure.
I think you are just like other girls...its just that the other girls who are like you tend to not post images on their blog, because they feel to shy about their middle age spreads and mussy image.
In my opinion, its the fucking media which leaves us all feeling like we have to look like Barbi with a pink ass in order to be like everyone else.
Anyway...scuse my cussing...Seemed to fit the sitiation. *grins*
Hmmph.
ReplyDeleteI really, REALLY want to know how those spanking porn girls do it. Srsly. Especially since so many of them are MODELS and don't even like spanking.
It pisses me off when I look at my own smeared make up and lumpy ass pics. God damn it.
"I think you are just like other girls...its just that the other girls who are like you tend to not post images on their blog, because they feel to shy about their middle age spreads and mussy image."
ReplyDeleteShannee hit this on the head I think. That, coupled with the fact that I learned the hard way you can't always trust people to not use those photos for their own ends.
swan lovely....you really ARE like all (most) of the other girls....that's why I'm always so deliciously comfortable here.
love and hugs xxx
I wanna look like that, too! Seriously, we all want the fantasy, but we're living our little corner of reality just the same...
ReplyDelete