swan asked me this morning, in the chat that you can read here, to write about the anger I experienced two nights ago when she "called it" and said I could not have another drink. I had reached the limit that was healthy for me.
I don't know exactly what I can say about this that is insightful. She imposed the limit and I became enraged and simply nuts (totally demonstrating the wisdom of her decision, if not that she should have "called it" sooner). I was a completely abusive asshole. I have been severely whipped for it and we are going to have no further recurrences of this.
I was fine last night, especially in the aftermath of the research I did about the effects of alcohol after gastric bypass surgery which I have described here.
I have huge control issues. I am generally fiercely independent and hugely resistant and oppositional to anyone who tries to infringe on my volition and freedom. I think even though I had agreed to this, when swan imposed the limit I became very angry. I did not understand how alcohol was effecting me in my altered physiology, and I simply went off.
I am so sorry for the way I behaved. I deserved all the punishment you gave me and more. I demonstrated last night I can do so much better, and I am intent and determined to do that again tonight and every night from now on.
Thank you swan for helping me get to this point.
I love you and I am so grateful.
Mine Always and All Ways,
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.