Song Stuck in My Head

Reasonland" is written by Antje Duvekot, but Solas adapted the lyrics slightly and I use those below.

In Reasonland, the emperor came down

To the water's edge and said, I don't know where I'm bound

I've got emeralds and rubies sewn into my gown

But I am sadder than the diamonds in my crown

Will you lay me down in a fiddler's cloud

Lay me down to dream

Let my aching head be still, let me surrender to your will

Lay me down, deliver me

A mighty queen came down to the sea

Said, I might win every battle that I please

I’ve got a hundred-man batallion, they all fall down at my feet

But there’s a songbird, he will not sing for me

So will you lay me down in a fiddler's cloud

Lay me down to dream

Let my aching head be still, let me surrender to your will

Lay me down, deliver me

I wanna fly out to your center

I wanna sink down into your gold

I wanna go down without my dagger

I wanna shed these clothes

The preacher's wife kneeled down by the waves

Said, For your love and salvation I have prayed

I am a tired tightrope dancer, don’t wanna go no more this way

Just give me something, a penny for my faith

So will you lay me down in a fiddler's cloud

Lay me down to dream

Let my aching head be still, let me surrender to your will

Lay me down, deliver me

Will you lay me down, won't you lay me down

Lay me down to dream

Let my aching head be still, let me surrender to your will

Lay me down, deliver me

This slave has been given extraordinary power.  I have become, at His command, the disciplinarian and the one holding a significant share of the power and control in our relationship.  I am not unaccustomed to power and control, but that is my professional work and not at all a comfortable reality in the context of my intimate relating. 

The Master has ceded His power, but has not arrived at any sort of easy accomodation to that shift.  When I must, to save us both, and to be faithful to my bond, tell Him no; oppose His will; make Him unhappy; He comes roaring back in raging fury at my temerity. 

I am tired.  I am lonely.  I am sad.  I feel unsteady and uncertain.  I am understanding how exhausting it is to discipline when the "bottom" partner is resistant to that process.  I am finding that I must be continually on, ever alert, forever analyzing to determine what is going on and what course I might best follow.  I have no "natural" instincts for this, and it gives me no pleasure.  I am not a sadist...

And so, I wander through my days in a fog, humming to myself --

I wanna fly out to your center

I wanna sink down into your gold

I wanna go down without my dagger

I wanna shed these clothes

The preacher's wife kneeled down by the waves

Said, For your love and salvation I have prayed

I am a tired tightrope dancer, don’t wanna go no more this way

Just give me something, a penny for my faith

So will you lay me down in a fiddler's cloud

Lay me down to dream

Let my aching head be still, let me surrender to your will

Lay me down, deliver me

 
swan