Thanks, Thanks, and More Thanks

We’ve been through a very intense passage in the last month, and this past week has seemed calmer and good.  We are beginning to feel like we are on a path to healing and health, and we have some sense that we can do this together and have it be a good thing. 

Through the darkest days, readers of this blog sat with us, held us up, encouraged us, cajoled and admonished us, cheered us on, empathized and sympathized with us – in all, did the very things that good friends do.  In the midst of it all, we were so weary, so afraid, so caught up in the storm, that I’m afraid we didn’t do a very good job of acknowledging or responding to all that you poured out here for us. 

I’m not sure that an “after the fact” response will ever be as good as it would have been if we’d been there with words of thanks and appreciation in the moment, but tonight – in a quieter and calmer time – I want to try and convey to all of you how powerfully and wonderfully you helped all of us with your words…

This will be a departure from anything I’ve ever done on this blog, but I want to try to show you the gifts you gave all of us, and then see if I can make it clear to you what your heartfelt words meant to us…  Read down this page, through the various comments that were left for us over the past month, and I imagine that you will be as moved and awestruck as we are at the amazing generosity of spirit that was shared with us.  We will never be able to say thank you in any measure equal to what you have gifted us with, but I hope these few words, scattered among yours, will suffice.

swan

Greenwoman said...

Tom, I'm very happy you are addressing this significant issue in your life. It will make things so much happier and comfortable for you…I learned … I drank because of specific emotions. If I dealt with the emotions involved, the urge to drink evaporated…You've already noticed difficult emotions, so I surmise that its emotions which are actually causing these urges to drink... I am sure you'll attend to all this with success…I don't find this at all odd or out of keeping with a real power exchange or your dominance.

... I might suggest if you've got the least access to health care coverage is you might want to get a counselor to... An outside expert whose specialty is emotional support seems like a logical solution to your difficulties right now. 

 Greenwoman -- thank you, for sharing your own personal experience, and for affirming us in our own efforts to approach this problem within the context of our dynamic.  That affirmation was powerful in ways that you cannot know.

Impish1 said...

You are not going to get any judgements from me… I'm sorry you are struggling so. Those of us who find pleasure in seeking sensations do often love so many other pleasures as well. It's not unusual to not like limits as much, I guess. …Good luck, thinking good supportive thoughts for you all

And…

What a peek into the dynamic! … Wishing you both peace, calm, and continued good progress.  T, too.

And –

Swan, I know this … is … One more thing you do for love, and for your family. I'm thinking of you in your lonely moments. … I do believe, as before, the love and commitment of your family will see it through this too.

Tom, I can't help but think that finding out that you were actually far deeper into the grip of alcohol at each step than either of you realised will help a great deal… I'm sure you'll have a much better chance at getting a handle on it now. Good luck, and keep up the good work.

And—

So glad to hear you are reaching for outside help…Thinking of you, and sending supportive thoughts your way.

And—

I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that things are going better for you all just now… I will keep rooting for you, each of you.

And—

I respect your courage in continuing your research, and looking dead in the eye that which you dread the most. … So many are pulling for you all, and wishing you well. Stay strong, and keep on with your difficult work. Good thoughts for you all.

And—

ceremony, and a few fine things...maybe tea from the fine cup, dinner on the nice tiny plate with the fine linen napkin, or the special plate, special sheets, or cuddly blanket one is brought when another in the family recognizes the specialness of the day. There are many ways to a sense of celebration other than through one's mouth. Have hope, have faith, mourn your loss, then move on and discover your own.  

Impish -- You have so often, stretched your own boundaries to be a friend and a support to us, and you have done that again, balancing all of our various emotions and reactions and generously passing out encouragement and validation to each one of us.  Thank you!

nancy said...

My heart goes out to you with this problem.
It is not easy especially trying to drink in moderation.
…
Best of luck , it is a life long struggle.

And—

My heart goes out to you all. What a sad post…You certainly all have my support!

And—

I'm glad to read that you've found some outside help! …Sometimes it is just too much to handle alone.  Keep us posted and good luck on the rocky road.

And—

I'm glad you have a plan and wish you the very best … what works for you won't work for the next person.

And—

What a tremendously soulful post... I am speechless in the face of such pain and strength.

And—

Perhaps …soul-ebration…your souls have gone through such huge changes.
Your hearts are still intact…Cheers and good luck finding your joy! 

Nancy -- It was so clear, reading your comments, that you were speaking to us from your own very personal experience and pain.  Thank you for being willing to share with us from such a vulnerable place.

butterfly said...

I wish I had some awesome advice for you, but I'm afraid I don't… Good luck to you...I'm sure you'll succeed wonderfully.

And—

I'm so glad you did that research! I'm sure it was a weight off your shoulders to learn that there is a medical reason you're struggling so hard. Good for you!

And—

I'm very sad for you all going through this...quite an adjustment…

butterfly -- Thank you for all the positive words and cheering from the sidelines.  We really did need that on more than one occasion.

abby said...

Thank you for having the courage to share this new journey with us. If anyone can do this, the Heron clan can!

And--

… I don't think i could do what you are doing. The Heron Clan is one shining example of love and devotion. Good luck on your continued journey

And—

My heart goes out to all of you. I cannot imagine how difficult this has been...HUGS.

And—

You CAN complete this very difficult journey successfully...HUGS to all the clan

And—

I was very worried about all of you..am less so now. This still will not be an easy road, but it is one the 3 of can travel together, and succeed.

abby -- Thank you for caring, and thank you for all those hugs and words of encouragement.  You helped us keep going when it seemed too tough to keep on.

sin said...

… I do think that those of us who indulge our sensuality, often indulge in other things. We love food, and sensation, and we have addictive personalities. But you have conquered other, harder adversaries and I am sure you will conquer this one…I find the switching unsettling…I totally understand why you would feel scared, anxious…I am impressed at the way you express yourself, with your honesty about yourself here, about your feelings, your concerns.

And—

Keep it going Herons. One day at a time, but with the end view of success in mind.

And—

What replaces food and drink? Friends. Lovers. Laughing. Joking. Talking too loud.
Art, exercise, personal goals set and met. Family. Children. Grandchildren. Travel. Novelty. Beauty. Music.  Tastes of lots of things. Some food, but mostly experience.
Sex. Love. Spanking. Pain. Exultation. Passion. Emotion.  Meditation. Prayer. Spiritualism.  Food and drink are only two elements of celebration and not the most important two. 

sin -- Thank you for your thoughtful and incisive comments.  You gave us hope and encouragement and things to think about.

Alice said...

I am always impressed by the courage you all have to share candidly and honestly about your lives here. …I wish you all good luck with this endeavor. The past year has been extremely difficult for your whole family. I have kept you all fondly in my thoughts as I read of each hardship. … I continue to dearly hold you in my thoughts and prayers (yes, I do buy into that whole mythos, but it is positive energy being sent your way). *smiles*

Alice -- just because we don't "buy into that whole mythos" doesn't mean we don't appreciate the energies that come our way from people who DO.  Thank you for every kind word and prayer.

Rhonda said...

wow. While i have hopes for the best for all of you, i don't believe this is going to work…

And --

The three of you have WAY more than just a bit of "strength and courage and integrity and... intellect." It took a lot of strength and courage just for Tom to post what he did. I admire all of you, for your honesty and openness, with both the good and the bad that constitutes your lives together. I really hope that you all will be successful in using your family dynamic to resolve this issue. You are all very lucky to have one another. Best wishes.

 Rhonda -- Thank you for being with us in spite of your own doubts and misgivings.  To be with someone when doing that makes you personally uncomfortable is a remarkable thing.

weirdgirl said...

I commend you wholeheartedly for being so candid about the issues you face. As someone who is just over 4 years sober I wish you all strength and perseverence…

And—

i feel like i am overstepping the mark somewhat here… i really do encourage you to seek some professional assistance in dealing with this issue…sobriety is very very hard …apologies if this comes across as in anyway preachy or patronizing…i have been touched by your candour, and the obvious pain surrounding this issue for you, and wish you all the best.

And—

i wish just to clarify my meaning when i suggested professional assistance... Alcohol withdrawal, should one wish to cease using completely, is one of the few detoxes that can actually prove fatal. ...…wishing you peace. gentle hugs to all

And—

i can totally relate to your grief - for a time i was very sad about *losing* alcohol from my life, but gradually replaced it with much more productive, creative (and cheaper!!!) past-times. …i look forward to reading of YOUR exploits in this new chapter of your life

weirdgirl -- Thank you for the courage to share with us and, in doing so, expose yourself to possible criticism. 

KellyRed said...

Good for you Tom! Thank you for being so open and honest. Don't listen to the nay-sayers, persevere, and you will conquer this, just like you have conquered so many other imposing issues. 

And—

… His comment makes me hope the most difficult part might be over. Good Luck to all of you. 

KellyRed -- Thank you for assuring us that we could do this, no matter what the "nay-sayers" might think.  We had relatively few of those, but I believe it was because people like you "stood at the gates" for us.

dara said...

… It's doing my heart good to see this. 

dara -- Thank you.  It was so good to know that we had people cheering us on.

Leonard said...

Your blog has become searingly honest and I applaud your openness and your efforts to conquer the problem. But I hope someone keeps in the back of their mind that alcohol "may" (or may not) be a problem bigger than the skill sets you have… it is possible that extra outside help might be needed.

Leonard -- Thank you for reminding us that, should we need it, help is available on "the outside"

Sir said...

Keep up the good work … in the long run it will pay off

And—

… all the best in your campaign to stop drinking...I know you will succeed.

Sir -- Thank you for the words of encouragement, and for believing in us.

Renee' said...

Without any intentions of malice … it would be appropriate to consider seeking professional help … genuine concern and wishes for the best to you and yours.

Renee' -- We never felt any malice in your comments.  Thank you for your concern.

LynLass said...

…I wish you nothing but the best … and will be watching your posts for how it goes.
Still in my thoughts and prayers,

And—

Oh how I hope that this works for you… You all remain in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time together.

And—

You CAN complete this very difficult journey successfully...HUGS to all the clan

And—

…I promise you it can be better… I recommend Sober Celebrations by Liz Scott …most people do experience a period of mourning for the loss of their "friend". … I'm proud of all of you, not just for what you've done, but your willingness to share a very difficult time with all of us who love you!

Lyn -- Thank you for your continued friendship, for sharing your personal journey, and for providing us the benefit of your expertise.

Bum Tickler said...

I hope it works for you.  I went to rehab and then to AA for a few months.  Then did it on my own.  Last drink was April 10, 1992.  It's worth it. 

Bum Tickler -- Thank you for sharing your story.  It really does help to know that others have been through this and been successful.

morningstar said...

As you know.. I am thinking of you and holding you close…You CAN do this ! 

And—

I am SO relieved that you are finding information to help you.. and that you are now on a path to improved health and living Hang in there.. the road will still be a bit bumpy .. but I know you can do this !!!

morningstar -- We always knew that you would be there cheering us on, but it is good to have your words of encouragement and support here.  We've felt like we've stepped out into uncharted territory and having a good friend with us is a huge comfort.

Hisflower said...

…good luck to you...i know you can do it Sir, for all of you.

 Hisflower -- thank you for believing in us.

wandering traveler said...

sending my best for your success…and gently encouraging that you explore outside community & support towards your stated goal. some addiction issues are not responsive to discipline alone 

 wandering traveler -- thank you for your good wishes and for your concern.

mamacrow said...

… hope it's ok to de-lurk and offer you hugs.  You've come out and detailed your problem infront of people here, owned up to your failings and admited your faults. … that's the hardest bit

And—

I can understand how hard it is.. it's not about the alchohol content exactly is it, it's about the whole ritual and image and idea of drinking?  brave desicion, we're all rooting for you

mamacrow -- it is always nice to meet someone who has been lurking.  Thank you for choosing this time to be openly a part of our world and our ongoing conversation.  We look forward to getting to know you better.

Omega said...

… I simply want to wish you all the best of luck. As someone who has traveled down a similar path (addiction), I understand how daunting it may seem. Mouse and I wish you all the best of luck.

Omega -- one of the truly amazing gifts from all of this has been the openess with which others have shared their stories.  Thank you for being among that number.

jojo said...

Keep on dancing. 

 jojo -- we are dancing.  Thank you for taking the time to be with us.

viemoira said...

I must admit I find the whole switching thing a bit confusing. … I think it is wonderful how open and honest you've all shared throughout this difficult experience. I'm sure many readers who battle their own demons have a new found respect.

And--

… I can only hope there may be some additional phase of continued clarity where you find something celebratory of what you've experienced, of your wisdom, of your love for another that many will never have the pleasure to experience...
Maybe even the celebration of having given others (such as myself) hope and reassurance... 

 viemoira -- Thank you for being open to this journey with us, even where it is confusing to you. 

Mrs Silly said...

I know regonize the feeling of loss …I try to find joy in little things now

Mrs. Silly -- thank you for acknowledging the sense of loss, and for helping us to recognize the little things that can bring us joy.

J said...

… It sounds like the three of you will be on the road to recovery in no time.

J -- we do believe we are "on the road" and thank you for supporting and encouraging us along the way.