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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.


Three Steps Forward Then One Back

Last night, an evening that began well, went straight to hell when I drank too much and became an uncontrollable, belligerent, argumentative jerk. I am determined not to do this again, and that resolve is bolstered by the experience I insisted swan inflict this morning depicted below. To say we are all discouraged and saddened is understatement.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.

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Clearly, this is not going to be a simple or straightforward path. Just as we felt we might be moving in a positive direction, things went south as Master decided (for whatever reason -- or perhaps no reason at all) to simply throw all the guidelines and limits aside and drink way more than is healthy or sensible last evening. The result of that was entirely predictable, and the outcome was no surprise -- although knowing it is coming doesn't make it any easier to deal with in the event. When all the smoke cleared; when I finally got Him settled into bed; when the two of us fell into an exhausted and troubled sleep; the heartbreak was palpable. The bright, sunny September dawn seemed a cruel mockery this morning.

As to the agreed upon corporal punishment, I was adamant that it was unnecessary -- clearly there was no agreement in place, so no need to correct anything. He was insistent that the egregious behavior of the night before not go unpunished. Ultimately, He is still Master, and so I did as He directed. When it was done, He was devastated, and I was physically ill. We've been quiet this afternoon -- working to regroup and recover a bit; gentle and tentative with one another. We are sad, but looking at how we might begin again.



  1. My heart goes out to you all. What a sad post.
    It is never easy to understand .. the why of drinking too much.
    I never knew what drove my father to seemed the social moments in life were the reason but it was never that simple.

    You certainly all have my support!

  2. Renee'6:12 PM

    Without any intentions of malice I feel compelled to suggest, as a previous commenter has, that it would be appropriate to consider seeking professional help at this point. Just feels as if you are playing with fire, kind of like the people who let a loved one die of a treatable disease while refusing to seek traditional medicine.

    Please receive these comments in the spirit they are sent, that of genuine concern and wishes for the best to you and yours.

  3. Renee' -- to you and to those others who have wondered if we wouldn't be better off with some sort of "non-family" support and guidance, thank you. We have, this day, located a local chapter of the SMART Recovery program. We are cautiously hopeful that this "non-sectarian," scientifically-based, alcohol and addiction recovery group might prove a valuable adjunct to our personal efforts to move toward full recovery.


  4. My heart goes out to all of you. I cannot imagine how difficult this has been...HUGS. abby

  5. Impish19:39 PM

    So glad to hear you are reaching for outside help. It seems time for some new ideas and support. Thinking of you, and sending supportive thoughts your way.

  6. There is a saying in the recovery community, "One is too many and a thousand is never enough."

    I wish you nothing but the best with "Smart Recovery" and will be watching your posts for how it goes.
    Still in my thoughts and prayers,

  7. I'm glad to read that you've found some outside help!

    Sometimes it is just too much to handle alone.
    Keep us posted and good luck on the rocky road.


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