It has not been a smooth process, and He has fought and raged and violated the various limits that I've imposed. He's been furiously angry with me, not understanding ( in the grip of one drink too many) why He couldn't have what He wanted when He wanted it.
As our agreement has specified, I have imposed limits, endured His stormy moods, and then implemented the agreed upon disciplinary spankings when the circumstances have warranted that.
I am not, by my nature, sadistic, and not inclined to be harshly toppy. To inflict real, serious pain on this Man that I love is very difficult. With that understood, I can become a seriously effective and determined disciplinarian if I need to do that. I don't enjoy doing it, and so my entire focus, in the event, is to ensure that it does not need to be repeated more than once or twice. If you are going to earn corporal punishment from me, then I will make sure that you don't seek to repeat the experience.
Lest anyone doubt the fact, here are photos, taken this afternoon, of the bruises and welts still apparent on His butt. Even at one and two days out; even with some pretty significant applications of arnica, the bruising and welting is still quite apparent. He keeps telling me that His butt hurts. Seeing the damage I've inflicted, I am not at all surprised. Nor am I surprised that He is intent on avoiding further discipline at my hand.
swan
I want it clear that I absolutely consented to this corporal punishment to provide me behavior support in my quest to moderate my drinking. Each of thses spankings was administered the day after my angry outbursts, and was done calmly, not in any angry way. I absolutely asked for each of them and cooperated in receiving them.
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry for swan that she had to undertake to do this............that I made it absolutely necessary. I am doing quite well with my drinking for the second night tonight and am intent on continuing that behavior change. I would not be at this point without this aspect of our discipline dynamic.
And,yes, as swan asserted, my bottom is very painful. I certainly hope if I am so foolish as to incur further punishments, I can at the least behave until I am healed.
I too am very determined that I never want she or t to ever have to deal with treatment by me as they have at times recently when I have over consumed alcohol.
While certainly it is embarassing to have these pictures here, I want to be reminded of the extremes we had to go to to get this under control for all of our sakes. I have only to look at this when I am contemplating violating our program regarding this.
I love you swan and t and thank you for supporting and helping me through this.
Mine Always and All Ways,
Mores & mores,
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
Keep up the good work and discipline swan, in the long run it will pay of :-)
ReplyDeleteWarren
Swan, I know this role is neither a comfortable nor welcome one for you, but a heavy burden. One more thing you do for love, and for your family. I'm thinking of you in your lonely moments. This is one more of those times you have had too many of lately, when you had to be a little stronger and more alone to hold up your family in tough times. I'm sorry, I know you are bone tired. I do believe, as before, the love and commitment of your family will see it through this too.
ReplyDeleteTom, I can't help but think that finding out that you were actually far deeper into the grip of alcohol at each step than either of you realised will help a great deal. That medical information, and the correct dosing may make a world of difference. Trying to make decisions while drunk, when the amount you had drunk told you (in your mind) Swan was cutting you off prematurely seems like a real conflicting message to recieve in that muddled state. Still responsible for the behavior you related, of course, but I'm sure you'll have a much better chance at getting a handle on it now. Good luck, and keep up the good work.
swan has a post scheduled to go up about 10:30 that will describe quite specifically the behavior that I engaged in that resulted in, and required, her making my ass look like this......quite justifiably I migbht add.
ReplyDeleteThose behaviors have evaporated the last two nights and I will go a long way to avoid ever being there again.
BTW we had another very successful night. I became "weird" sort of sullen, when she "called it" last night but I absolutely did not argue, become angry, passive aggressive, or punish swan in anyway.
I still hurt a lot physically. I didn't sleep much last night I suspect mostly due to the effects of less alcohol, although too in part due to how my ass feels. I am finding too, that I feel sort of emotionally traumatized, drained, may be depressed........and seriously afraid of having to be spanked again.
Did I ever say I cried, screamed, begged and pleaded just like a bad six year old being well spanked. Of couurse I behaved like a really badly spoiled 5 year old who needed to be spanked to precipitate the spankings I received.
I should quit whining about my ass, but when I see it I get concerned. I take meds that impair coagulation, and, while I am in remission, I am type 2 diabetic which enhances bruising. Ofcourse alcohol consumption doesn't help either.
I am thinking very consciously that if I want to not do this again I know how to behave to not go there. I had a good evening and I can remember the end of it, even if I was less than happy.
We are underway, I think we have turned the corner on this, and I think I am going to not behave this badly again.
All the Best,
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined. (Which process I am working on very hard this week with the help of my loves.)