To say it has been an intense week at The Heron Clan. Would be ridiculous understatement. We are grappling and struggling with a beast of a problem that is embodied in me but that effects all three of us. I have been punished severely. swan has done that, and not without paying a price emotionally and spiritually. Last night and today she is clearly exhausted. Of course this whole process has evolved as she is returning to her first week of school, in Cincinnati heat which was in the mid 90's F all of last week. She has been admirable in the ruthlessness of her severity, and in the supportiveness of her counseling me and supporting me to be as transitional as I can be to my/our new behavior goals. She has loved me and supported me throughout ( as much as one can support someone while they are hiding them.) I have tried to be supportive of her when I was cognizant and not in the grips of the addiction I am grappling with. This is for me a momentous statement. It is the first time I have owned my having an addiction (other than spanking:) We are in flux. We are revising our goals for next week to encompass greater change (less or no drinking by me during the day on week days). We will have those limits defined by Tuesday when she returns to work at the end of the Labor Day holiday here in the U, S.
This has been very hard for me. I am the beneficiary in terms of my long term health. Sue has had a harder row to hoe, in my mind and her benefits have been more indirect.
swan I thank you for undertaking to do this, knowing full well I demanded it of you. This has been tough for us all, but uniquely tough for you. I love you and honor you for your strength. I forgive you for not knowing where my ass was when you punished me, knowing you may have chosen the areas around it for punishment knowing they hurt more. Please, if in this process you have to whip me again avoid my off hip. I no longer have padding there and I fear the effects of that bruising which is still severe after quite a while. Blistering my ass which is much more well padded will punish me extremely but do less, and shorter-lived injury.
Thank you for undertaking to do my bidding to discipline me about getting this problem behavior, with health consequences for me, and for our family, under control. You are serving me well and supporting me in dealing with a significant behavior for my/and our family's well-being.
I love you and thank you,
Mine Always and All Ways,
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.