Boredom

Magdala has a very interesting, very thought-provoking post about slavery and BOREDOM http://slavemagdala.blogspot.com/2005/11/unslavelike.html

Maybe it doesn't arise as an issue for everyone. I doubt that it comes up at all for those who do "What it is that we do" at a more casual, more negotiable level, with more outs and more choices for the non-dominant partner. However, magdala's words spoke to me and FOR me in deep places. Boredom is part of the condition of consensual slavery -- at least for me, at least sometimes.

When one enters into circumstances where the understanding is that there is a status that is acknowledged to be that of "property," there are certain realities that come into play. Some of those realities take time to sink into the conscious awareness, and then to accommodate.

Many people engage in erotic power exchange in their relationships for many reasons. I believe that the most common reason for entering into power exchange relationship dynamics is that it adds excitement and interest to otherwise pedestrian connections. There is nothing wrong with that. Many submissives and bottoms like the added attention that power exchange brings them. I found that the D/s, Domestic Discipline, and Top/bottom types of interactions that I engaged in prior to entering into M/s required an almost continual active sort of interaction between my partner and I to keep that "energy" going. It was exhilarating at a lot of different levels. Erotic slavery has a different sort of rhythm to it...

Master "owns" all sorts of things: automobiles, bath towels, shoes, a leather coat, his brief case, home furnishings, collectible knives... And me. He expects his possessions to be there for His use when and where He wants them. He values them. He enjoys them. Some of them, He even "treasures" or "loves." Still, He doesn't normally pay a great deal of attention to them when He isn't actively needing them or using them. They exist for His use, His pleasure, His enjoyment, and to make His life better and happier. He doesn't expect or want to invest a great deal of energy into His possessions. When I became "property," I entered into that state, at a certain level.

Now, the reality is that I am not merely an object. I have needs, desires, feelings. There are those, in the life who follow a path of "objectification" of the slave. That is not our way and I have not got enough experience or understanding with that path to comment on it here. I do know that, for me, dealing with my needs, desires, feelings becomes part of my service to Master. I cannot place my wanting more attention on Him as a requirement. It becomes my task, my responsibility, to soothe myself, to find my center, to become calm. Waiting is, by times, a condition of my slavery. He will not, and should not be expected to attend to my needs. The other way around is the nature of our dynamic.

That sense of "boredom" is a symptom. I am learning, slowly, to look at it and wonder what it is pointing at in me. What is the deeper feeling that is appearing as "boredom?" Am I afraid? Insecure? Hungry? Lonely? Angry? Resentful? Overwhelmed? Needing direction?

I am also learning to use the spaces of waiting to take care of the me that dwells inside where it is quiet. The hours of patient stillness can be turned to looking to the one who struggles with the collar I wear so uneasily sometimes. In those quiet minutes and hours, I can listen and visit with her and make sure that the dialog with the slave self is positive and not merely self-pitying. I tell my students that "I'm bored..." Is self-defeating for them as learners. I just need to remember that it is as true for me as it is for them...

Slave may be something that I "am." In the depths of my being I believe that is true. Doing it however, is something else altogether. Learning the actual skills, like learning anything else, takes practice and time and sincere effort.

Thank you, magdala, for the words that set me thinking.

swan