It has been a terribly painful day here. The suddenness with which our anticipated visit was cancelled -- with no real warning -- has left great bewilderment, anger, and hurt on this end of the equation.
I was not sure what to say when the email first came through that dropped the hammer this morning. After all, I am not "in" the middle of the relationship -- I've come to be one who has learned to cheer quietly from the side, to say, "don't you need to call, or call back?" I was looking forward to those days and nights, to seeing what I might learn about the folks I'd come to count as family, and I was relishing the joy I'd seen on my Master's face as the date approached...
And now there is much hurt to deal with, but that will be taken care of here. We will go on. Wiser perhaps.
I do feel backhanded, personally, by this bit from the "Dear John" letter, however--
"have decided to cancel out trip out there. I hope this doesn't put you all out. I'm actually hoping there will be some sense of relief from at least T and Sue. I feel badly about disrupting their lives so."
I know I was slow to "get on the wagon" with all of this. I know I was caught off guard, slow to warm up, slow to become "a good friend," but when I tell someone I'm OK, when I actually do "get there," I expect to be taken at my word. I resent this continuing niggling bit of blame. I especially resent it now, when it is being used as an excuse to inflict hurt on one who does not deserve it.
swan
What happened to your clan is awful. It's very surprising that you and your Master posted about it. Even though it is an unfornate event I'm glad I get to read about some of the misfortunes that come seeking this lifestyle.
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