I've been involved in a discussion over on magdala's blog about feeling "unslave-like." It is, I think, sensitive and difficult territory for those of us who follow this path. I've been there. I know how really hard it is to sort through all the emotions and fears that the questions bring up.
She's got an anonymous (figures) commenter who has come in a couple of times in the discourse with points that might be well taken except for TONE. Magdala hasn't objected, but I sure feel like she ought to.
Why is it that some people feel like it is OK to talk to someone who identifies as a slave like this:
"...Shut-up and take your punishment. Slave."
and
"...boredom is a normal consequence or your situation. He has other things to do and other things to think about. So shut-up, wait upon your master"
Excuse me? Is such rudeness necessary? What agreement, protocol, relational understanding gives an unnamed stranger permission to treat another with such contempt? The label slave identifies a relationship that is specific to a very intimate relationship. It is not public, and it does not convey power to all and sundry. The arrogance!
I read these comments, and I cannot "get" the message contained in them because I am overwhelmed by the lack of breeding displayed by the individual.
On the other hand, I am most impressed by magdala's composure and poise in the face of such lack of manners.
swan
Heh, that's sweet.
ReplyDeleteThe same anonymous commenter has left similar comments on other posts. I recognize the tone and the IP addy.
I can ignore the shut up part because well, one I don't belong to them so whatever they direct me to do does not apply to me. Two, I look at it as just their way of expressing their point. It may not be what *I* would do, but that's ok.
I don't agree with the comments, just as I didn't agree with some of your thoughts either but that doesn't stop me from listening and learning from them. It doesn't stop me from respecting your opinion and it doesn't stop me from really liking you either. That's what makes life interesting to me.
I tossed my long post into drafts about some of the things that struck me, I just didn't want to offend anyone by appearing to miss the point and make it more difficult than it was. I got the point...it was the direction I went following that point that led me off on a journey of other things.
I don't find boredom a punishment, although they changed that part. I also don't find it to be a requirement of slavery as they indicated. That however, is my opinion.
I'm a comment whore, I adore comments because otherwise how would I ever learn how others felt about things?
I feel very flattered to have the wrath of a swan on my behalf and a compliment at the same time.
It is entirely possible they meant their comments to be beneficial and helpful. I try and look at it that way.
magdala~
I don't comment about these issues because I've never been in an M/s relationship, only a D D and D/s one, they aren't the same at all.
ReplyDeleteI hold that if you can't be positive and supportive then say nothing, and criticism, if any, should be constructive.
Magdala lives up to her name with her attitude and I apploud her tolarance, however I'm with swan on this, if the commenters have a valid point they blunt it by the manner in which it's delivered.
By the way swan your post on boredom was interesting and thought provoking, I'm learning!
:-)
Hugs. :-)
Paul
Those types of statements are just like the rant I posted today...about dominants that seem to be pounding on chest saying "I am dom hear me roar...you just a worthless slave bow down and grovel at my feet" And like your S&M type people. Which by the way I love that phrasing...I have another friend that uses that phrase too and have always smiled when I heard it because I get that mental image of those types.
ReplyDeleteSwan:
ReplyDeleteI did not intend to be rude to Magdala. You and the other ladies who comment to one another speak as you wish, often with gentle and elegant tone, and I speak as I wish. I am not you. If it makes you feel good to call be rude and arrogant and insult my mother and father so be it. The point remains that I said much the same as you did in your post on boredom. Magdala understood both of us and did not agree entirely with either and that is good. She will take from you said and from what I said and what others said and make of it what she will.