Just Writing...

For me, it has been an interesting and good time. So much has opened up and eased up, that I have simply watched and reveled in it all, and been almost too amazed to even report on it. Or maybe I've been a bit superstitious -- afraid that putting words to it might make it vanish in a puff of smoke...

Too, so much has happened so quickly, that I've not had time to report any of it in any sort of sensible sequence. Life has conspired. Again. Complexities take focus. For me at least. Especially when they are wrapped up in seeming miraculous wonderments.

So...

Focus and report...

I woke up sexually here somewhere again! Yee Haw! Had about given up. Not happily given up, but resigned myself that it simply was the reality and condition of my "age." Seemed that there was not a damned thing that anyone could offer me or tell me that would work to revive the "girlie" parts from their swoon into eternal somnolence. Then, suddenly, just as suddenly as they'd departed from active duty, there they were back -- horny as hell and demanding that somebody pay attention!!! ZOWIE! Mostly this is fabulous news. A little complicated, due to the simple fact that I am like a teenager in heat... I understand that it is inappropriate to jump everything with a penis on the face of the planet -- I'm just not entirely sure WHY it is considered inappropriate... I think I knew the answer to that question once... AHEM.

I'm just happy. Happy with my family. Happy with my life. Happy with our household. Happy with Master. Happy. I understand that there are a gazillion things about the world that need fixing -- socially, economically, politically, etc. I know that there are a host of wrongs that need to be righted and that there are way too few resources to throw at all the many, many problems that are pressing on us right now. I am not Pollyanna. Still, when I open my eyes in the morning and when I settle into sleep at night, my life is as good as I ever dreamed it could possibly be. If I won the monster lotto jackpot and could retire and play from here on out, or travel around the world fixing all the things that need fixing and preaching the kind of tolerance and acceptance that I wish the world would learn and practice, that would be kewl and neat, but I doubt I'd be any happier than I am right now.
Some of the struggling to understand my place as slave and my relationship within this dynamic has taken me to deeper places in my own awareness. I am finding myself fantasizing more again. Dreaming again. Ready again to journey in that way. Part of that has been a lot of time spent reminiscing about things we used to do and don't do so much anymore...coming to understand what the role was of some of those old abandoned styles of play and how it is that we shifted away from them. Some of what I've found myself doing is sharing some of what helps me go deeper, some of what is invading my dreams and my fantasies, some of my questions and wonderings. We are under a lot of time stressors and time constraints, and energy is limited, but it has been fascinating to find that some of what I am dreaming in the dark of night, He has also been thinking about. I wonder: am I reading His thinking, or is He walking my dreams? Either way, He has been more physical with me lately, and it is good. I am feeling more at home. Safer. More secure. Closer.

swan