Life is "Messy" -- We Write Anyway

From the very earliest entries, when I reluctantly began writing at "The Swan's Heart," the words that have poured across the screen there and (subsequently) here have chronicled my/our lives as honestly as it has been possible for me to do that.

Life for us is "messy." Sometimes what I write is happy. Sometimes it is sad. Sometimes angry. Sometimes confused. Whatever comes up, I attempt to put into words the reality of my experiences and reactions and feelings. Honestly. It is often raw, inelegant, hard to read.

I know that some of what has been written here in these months has been uncomfortable to write. I also know, because of the comments I get, that it sometimes makes readers undomfortable. It is never my intent to cause discomfort. It is my intent to write, and through the writing to help my own thinking become clearer, to help me understand my own reactions and feelings. I don't know what those who read here "get" from doing so. I can't focus on that audience. I appreciate them, but, like a tight wire performer, I can't "look."

The words that show up here are moments taken from the realities of my life. They are real. Honest. Raw. Unvarnished. True. I don't sanitize, edit, filter, or otherwise protect myself or anyone else. I don't moderate comments, and generally I don't delete anyone's comments but my own (at least not since I figured out how to foil the evil spammers). What you see is what you get. This is us.

If you read for awhile, you will start to "get" the personalities of our household:

Master is the engine that drives us all. He is dynamic, powerful, and demanding. He is dominant, not because that is some "label" He claims, but because that is the truth of who and what He is. His visions are expansive and overarching. He changes the world. His willingness, however to attend to details and minutiae is minimal. He is also impulsive, trusting, and open-hearted. We've learned to ask Him for what we want and need. T and I both know that subtlety does not work with "Mr. Romance." He is the "tenderest" of us all...

T is the heart of our family. She is open, bright, charming, happy-hearted, and welcoming. She keeps us in touch with the world and social. She is strong, steady, sturdy and stable. She is practical and a planner. She has her Christmas cards already written out, signed, sealed in the envelopes and addressed. I'm still considering writing cards for 2003... She keeps us all in line, brooking none of the nonsense that goes on in a household like ours, but T is a warrior if anyone threatens any one of us. She is not a talker. Even here, you will find that our T is a lady of few words... but when she talks, people listen.

I am the emotional billboard for the family. I pick up the feelings out of the air, mirror them and amplify them and they spew them all over the place. I am intuitive, sensitive, and empathic. I cry at the drop of a hat, but might just as easily laugh like a little kid when something catches my fancy. I am the homebody, happy to just cuddle in and revel in being just "us." Along with my sister, when "stuff" comes at us, I am inclined to figure that there's no point in fussing. She and I are fond of saying that it is, "time to pull up the big girl panties and deal with it." Whatever goes down, I'll likely think it to death and then come here and write about it -- over and over and over again.

That's us. We are who we are. Not fancy. Not showy. No pretense. If what we do and what we say about it is interesting, read. We'll be glad to know you. Either way, we'll write just the same.

swan