I actually put this up as a comment on a post that my friend, morningstar, wrote. She was fussing about the frustrations of dealing with the critters that one finds everyplace at the site... It really can seem that every thread devolves into the most insanely stupid, foolish, mean-spirited nonsense imaginable. While participation there can give a person plenty of food for thought, the downside is that it can be emotionally draining and spiritually deadening...
I am finding, on this my second foray into the realm of Fetlife, that it is good practice for me. I am trying to be mindful in my participation there. So, I read where my interest takes me, but I comment with some guidelines in mind:
I only comment if I believe I have something useful or important to contribute.
I work to write my responses so that they are respectful and without overt judgement. If I can't manage that, I just don't start.
I say what I have to say, and then I shut up. I resist the urge to get dragged into wrangles or to explain myself or try and convince anyone that I am right.
If someone says something that causes me to go "WTF? Is this person really this stupid?" I take that as a signal that it is a place that is not healthy for me to be.
Lastly, if the convesation is already into the 3rd, 4th, or 5th page of comments, I assume that there is nothing that I can add that hasn't been said already, and so I refrain.
There.
My "rules" for participating in Fetlife without losing my mind.
swan
This was a pleasure for me to read as i just recently joined fet life and only yesterday began reading threads and was stunned at the outright viciousness.
ReplyDeletegrins... problem is, I CAN'T keep my damn mouth shut! The Irish temper rises and BOOM - which is why I lasted there a month!
ReplyDeleteAlmost every time I read about anyone's interaction with Fetlife it seems to be in the context of how frustrated they've got. To be honest, that's the main reason I've steered clear of it...lol.
ReplyDeletelove and hugs xxx
I had to leave Fetlife after having a ball on there (I liked poking holes in the ones who had hugely inflated egos) because I was spending too much time on there. It's a big time-suck, although a fun one.
ReplyDeleteYour rules are good rules to follow if you're going to be a member there and not lose your mind, you're right.
I think the funniest ones were the pseudo-doms. You could always pick them out by their attitude that subs are not worthy of respect and of course, that kind of thing was like waving a red flag in front of a bull for me. They would also make blanket statements that were so much fun to take apart, oh! Fun fun...poke poke poke.
They'd get SO MAD, ahahahaha! *grins*
I remember this one young woman, a "domme" (well, that's what *she* said she was, anyway) and I politely disagreed with her stance on online relationships. She said they never work out, I pointed out that mine did, and so have several other people. She went *off* on me, calling me rude and whatnot. It was puzzling but I finally figured out that by disagreeing with her, I wasn't being a good sub.
I can't stand that crap; I'm not going to submit willy-nilly to whatever yahoo goes online and sticks a title on themselves. Puh-leeze. The audacity of some people, it's amazing.