Life Is Short: Eat Dessert First:)

Today was different. Weekend mornings have come to have a pattern for us. I spank swan and then we make love. For a while the spankings have been pretty well scripted and each has been a replication of the other, in terms of the implements used, their sequence, and even (generally) the number of blows with each one. They have generally lead her to be quite "spanked" feeling and, more often than not, less that overjoyed and fulfilled. They have been followed after some recuperation, with her sitting astride me, and riding me until I came. We usually "looked forward" to these, although each of us differently. While I am self-centered enough to enjoy the sadistic thrill of spanking her when she is totally distressed by the experience, and thus not at all "turned on" as a result. I would be happier if she had had a more fulfilling experience. Swan wrote in her post "Step by Step" about the typical wrestling in her mind that she went through on weekend mornings as these "typical" sessions approached.

"Step by Step" described a "break through session" where we changed her position and my technique. She reacted with greater satisfaction. Then in "Unreliable Masochism" she detailed that replicating the "script" of the "Step By Step" session didn't have the same results.

Today was different again. I awakened to my usual internal movie scripts of blisterings I was fantasizing administering. This morning's centered around my engaging in a serious aversive disciplinary intervention with a nameless disciplinee who was sentenced to receive several sessions of single tail whippings and padding's to assure she never repeated a seriously self-injurious behavior. Thus, I had imagined being more severe with swan this morning and was thinking quite seriously of giving her a single tail whipping while she bent over the end of the couch as part of this morning's session. I've thought about how wonderfully she'd be positioned for the short bullwhip there, and have told her that I will eventually whip her in that position. I know that sends shudders through her. We have not played with the single tails all that frequently and she is seriously freaked out by actual whippings. All this fantasizing had me extremely turned on. In that we were in bed, and the location of our SM play has come to be over the end of the new couch in the living room, it occurred to me that sex could precede our session. There was not a rule that said that SM play must serve as fore-play. We fucked quite happily, snuggled for a while and then moved to the living room. The result was interesting. Having already ejaculated my usual sadistic fervor, my "meanness", was greatly diminished. I was able to focus way more on her support and sensation than often I find energy for.

I gathered toys and included an old leather strap that swan brought with her from Denver that we had not used for years (a result of the new storage arrangement swan described in her post "Summer Project"). I also grabbed a quirt that was made by DeTails Toys, my flogger maker of choice, which too I had not used in a while. Too, I picked up the kangaroo-hide flogger, made by Snakepit Leather Works, which is a fairly high-end favorite of swan. Another addition to the toys for this morning was the fur paddle which is fur on one side and a very intense leather paddle on the other. This too usually only makes it into the repertoire when we play in a dungeon, and t, selecting toys from the toy bag, adds the fur paddle to the "stuff" used, in the interest of supporting her sister heart. Included along with these was the wenge cane, short clear lexan paddle, dressage whip, and of course, the paddle swan gave me for our anniversary which thrills me and leaves her in continual terror. Of course too, I had, as always, some knives for sensual play.

As we played I was much more patient than I usually am, and did in fact work the fur side of the fur paddle into play (as well as the leather side of course.) I think the leather strap while stingy is not nearly so much as some implements we use. swan has always been curiously drawn to the dressage whip, and tends to eroticize it. It lends itself to light sensual play and rapid fire light stinging licks as well as to more serious flogging and so it was used today. I included lots of hand spanking and knife play all over her, with , of course, lots of attention to her "cutting." Retracing the cutting always is hugely stimulating and evocative for her and goes a long way to getting her in "slave space."

The wenge cane, at least as I've used it with her, lends itself to fairly light thuddy strokes. I don't feel comfortable with forceful blows with it. It would be too club-like and exceeds the proverbial "rule of thumb":) She appreciates the uniqueness of the sensation it creates. It is so very different than all our other rod-like toys which are very whippy and extremely "stingy."

The mixture of implements, slower pace, more attention to sensually pleasurable or mild sensations as well as sting, sent her off. By the time I came to use the quirt she was pretty well in space. This particular quirt has falls (i. e., tails) which are broader and heavier leather than is typical for quirts. Quirts typically have narrow leather strands which are highly stinging and welting. As I applied it for a good while her bottom became bright red and she was clearly not at all troubled by her sensation. She was "gone.":)

I had to see if she was open to penetration and entered her vagina from the rear. Sometimes, since her hysterectomy, this works for her, and others not. Today she was "there." She writhed and cried, and breathed erratically, and orgasmed. Her orgasms have become so precious to us now, that they are no longer the foregone conclusion that they were before her surgery a few years ago. I was thrilled. (No doubt she was "intrigued" as well.)

I finished with serious paddling...65 well laid on smacks with the "anniversary paddle" that had her squirming but not suffering nearly so much as when we launch into a paddling with limited prior sensation activity.

I have grown old and sentimental and soft. When we were new I blistered swan daily. I enjoyed her suffering and worried not at all if she enjoyed it. Of course I knew she did enjoy my severity and her extreme SM submission to me. There was frequent subspace and orgasms as she very masochistically thrilled sexually and romantically at our SM power exchange. Of course I was younger then than she is now despite the six years age disparity between us. I had both my knees as original equipment. Now with one knee replaced and the other in serious need of replacement, and a shoulder that equally requires replacement, and recuperating from gastric by pass surgery, and with a huge abdominal hernia things are not the same for me. You know what, post hysterectomy, and menopausal, things aren't the same for her either. We are adjusting in so many ways and our play........our play which bonds us and connects us at such phenomenally deep levels.........our play where at times like today we touch each others' souls, too is being adjusted. I only hope that my learning curve is not so slightly sloped that she is able to hold on as I get there. I am hugely invested that I am never a service Top, and assuredly my catering to her needs has some characteristics of that. On the other hand she never would have ordered up the 65 with the anniversary paddle we finished off with today, were she orchestrating our scene.

So I had my usual weekend morning dessert first today and it was hugely delicious and likely a juxtaposition of our practice that I will repeat......for us both.

All the best,

Tom

P. S. I have not shared this with swan, and have asked her to write about this morning from her perspective. It will be interesting to see how she describes her experience in comparison to mine. Her version of all of this will appear directly below this one, so keep reading if you are interested...

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.

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