So, here I am, over the end of the sofa, which is our current "favorite" position for this sort of thing. Obviously, the visible damage from the weekend was all healed up, and my butt looks all "ready to go." Looks can be deceiving...
I think that Master had in mind to recreate the same "ambiance" that we achieved on Saturday, and He started off with some pretty intense hand-spanking.
I knew, right away, that I was in trouble. Whatever it might have looked like, my butt was sore and tender with that sort of deeply bruised kind of hurt that doesn't show but comes roaring back to full bloom with the least little bit of impact.
I am, increasingly, an unreliable masochist. One day, I soar on the sensations He creates, and the very next day, those same sensations make me just miserable. Knowing, at the outset, that I'm going to have to battle and fight just to hang on, does not help me to "get my head into it." It causes me to feel panicked and anxious. I worry that I will disappoint Him -- fail to meet His expectations, and that fear is every bit as bad as the physical pain. All that turmoil turns this kind of spanking into an intensely emotional experience for me.
I am, increasingly, an unreliable masochist. One day, I soar on the sensations He creates, and the very next day, those same sensations make me just miserable. Knowing, at the outset, that I'm going to have to battle and fight just to hang on, does not help me to "get my head into it." It causes me to feel panicked and anxious. I worry that I will disappoint Him -- fail to meet His expectations, and that fear is every bit as bad as the physical pain. All that turmoil turns this kind of spanking into an intensely emotional experience for me.
He often comments that He has gotten "soft," and cares too much about how I feel. He really does want me to be able to take something "good" away from our play, and I think He feels bad when He knows that I am into that hunkered down, surviving frame instead. Still, softy that He is, He went ahead and went after me, although I think that, after I told Him that I was feeling bruised and tender, He tended toward the light and stingy implements and away from the heavier impact toys. He does like that nice, even rosy color that comes up fairly quickly, so this look is a favorite...I managed to stay put and behave as He expects, although it was a battle. When it was over, I was a mess, sobbing and blubbering, feeling small and hurt and just wanting Him to hold me. I often wish that I were possessed of a more predictable and reliably joyful masochism, but it is what it is. So, sometimes, He gets soaring joyfulness and lust, and at other times, He ends up with this... swan
Awww, that last pic makes me just want to cuddle and soothe you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling better now Swan.
I agree, it just makes me want to give you a big hug....btw, you look fantastic...lost lots of wieght!!
ReplyDeleteKaren
I just want to tuck you up and bring you tea and lots of hugs! and you DO look quite wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteOn a different note, I think most of us go in and out; emotinal equilibrium, time of the month (my skin is definitely more sensitive depending on where I am in my cycle), mood - all affect (at least in me) my tolerance level.
I agree with selkie, I think a lot of us have that same unreliability.
ReplyDeleteTruly, you look adorable. And I mean that in the sexiest way possible! Everytime I see a picture of someone showing that kind of raw emotion/reaction, it's all clear to me what it is that draws a sadist to do what they do. It's so... real. So honest. Stripped bare and open and, just, raw.
No wonder they smile so big at the end. :-)
doubleknot, karen, selkie, and kaya -- Thank you all. I really did not want to put that picture up. When I looked at it, all I saw was a terribly unflattering photo of a horrible mess... Your comments, and your shared perceptions have made me look at it again, and see what He sees, and that makes a huge difference. I love you guys!
ReplyDeleteswan
It's not unflattering at all; why do we all have such body issues, *sighs*
ReplyDeleteIt's very raw and honest and beautiful, Swan, I'm glad you put it up. :)
That's definitely how it is at this age (I hope I can say that because I live there too), but take a look at the siren in the top picture. Surely she is not the same woman who said she wasn't sexy, blah, blah, blah? That photo is absolutely gorgeous! And the last one - real, too.
ReplyDelete