I'm Not Going to Answer That Question, But...

Alright. An anonymous commenter on the last post asked the question that comes up every now and then when people wonder about our poly lifestyle. I actually suspect that it is one of the first questions that people think, but one that most people are too polite (generally) to actually ask:

"I was wondering who does your Master sleep in your bed each night? Or does the
days of the week dictate if your master sleeps in your bed or T's bed?"

It isn't a question that I'm going to answer. That's private.

I will, however, share some information about some of what we do and do not do about sleeping, cuddling, and sexual relating -- and the "real estate" arrangements that go with all of that, because I think that it is useful for those who are trying to think about living in poly households. I know that, when we were first contemplating living together fulltime, there were many of these questions that we had, and precious little practical information. So, with that in mind, here are some practical realities of our lives in the "bedroom" arena...

• Sleeping is an activity to be distinguished from cuddling which is different from more actively sexual activities. The terms should not be interchanged in thinking about the uses of "bedroom real estate" or the time that people spend there.
• As a practical matter, all the beds in our household are "Master's." He sleeps where He chooses, when He chooses, with whomever He chooses.
• We purchased, early on, a king-size bed because we thought we would all sleep together. We quickly learned that our diverse sleep styles do not lend themselves to our comfortably, or restfully doing that. We very seldom all sleep together for any length of time that is more extensive than a nap.
• We do not divide our time "in bed" with one another up by means of a calendar or a clock. Nor do we make anyone into a bedroom "nomad," forcing the continual wandering from one bed to another. We find that we are all more comfortable with more or less settled sleeping arrangements (dictated largely by "sleeping style" and schedules), and the use of bedroom spaces for cuddling and more sexual activities when and as we choose to employ them in that fashion.
• We find that when one of us wants or needs "bedroom" time with a partner, it is just simplest to ask for what is wanted. This is, for us, much easier than the establishment of calendars and schedules.

There. Not difficult. Three grown ups living and caring for one another in a poly/power exchange household. It might be tougher if there were children -- maybe. But we haven't got that issue to worry about. For us, the biggest quandary is which of the neighbors is likely to catch which one of us traipsing back and forth in our PJ's on any given morning. Keeps them guessing, but as long as we are OK, the wagging heads are not our concern.

swan