You Can't Always Get What You Want...

...But if you beg really sweetly, you might just get what you need.

Woke up this morning, after a really, really long, difficult night. More about that later, maybe. There've been a couple of tough days here, emotionally. Physical well-being is one thing, emotional health is something else again. I'm simply starving for some sort of sensation that tells me that I'm alive in some way that makes being alive worth the trouble. Trapped in a body that doesn't FEEL anything much is a kind of torture that is sending me around the bend in a very fast hurry.

So, my request, made as sweetly as I could possibly make it this morning, was for "just a little spanking, please..." I figured if I held on really tight, and He just spanked me a little bit with His hand, it maybe wouldn't be too hard and we couldn't do much harm and I'd at least feel something... something, please! Please!

Well.

You can't always get what you want. Hand spanking might be too thuddy. Cause too much jarring. Maybe hurt something inside. Nothing doing.

But the cane. Light and whippy. No thud at all. All sting. Oh. And the rubber whip. Even lighter. Plenty of sensation. Not a single jarring impact. Exactly. Exactly what I needed. Even a few marks. And tears of relief and release and connection and earth-bound reality again. And pure, simple, animal gratitude.

swan