I think one of the problematic dynamics we have in this vicinity of the Blogosphere is a tendency to react to Blogger and commenter opinions and experiences as either validations or detractions of our own experiences and perspectives. Too often when someone says this is how this feels to me now, or this is what we have just done, if that message describes something we see as consistent with our own practice then we feel somehow “validated.” If it does not match then some of us feel “disrespected.” This is, in my opinion, a function of how secure we feel in our lifestyle and practice.
This Blog and the community of expression it is part of, is not intended to be an echo chamber for a unified practice of the construct we call BDSM. The fact that we behave somewhat similarly at times to some others, and differently than still others, does not make us superior or inferior. Nor does that diversity of experience and perspective reflect on them. If each time we express a feeling or describe an incident we have to look out for the potentially vulnerable feelings of everyone else here, it is going to make reading and writing here awfully boring.
Do we take into consideration the potential impact on those who are relatively uninformed and who may look at our writing as a source of some sort of tutelage? I’d be disingenuous if I said we don’t do that. But do we see what we do here as a BDSM primer for beginners? HELL NO!
If we express our feelings and experiences and they are not the same as yours be proud of the contrast. We are proud of ours with yours as well as the similarities. They combined with everyone else’s are the fabric of our community.
All the best,
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.
I'm really glad that the three of you write here. Its a terrific blog. Though you don't consider it a primer, I absolutely consider it a resource. There's alot here that anyone new to D/s and bdsm can learn and ponder about how it may or may not apply to their own life.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about responses to your writing here sometimes being a factor of how secure someone feels in their choices. If you know what's right for you and what's true, then what others say on the topic is really irrelevant. I generally look at myself puffing up about something as a sign post for a learning moment. I need to discover why that's caused some reaction in me. Its not about that writer...its about me.
If I've really got something to say about it, well then I've got a blog that I can always puff on about any ol thing that puffs me up. No need to get chuffed here about it. And if I do and that irritates you, you've got a delete button. I use mine when someone really irritates me anyway. *smiles*
I think the three of you handle your responsibility to the community with aplomb....but I think first and foremost this is your blog and you can and should write what you need to write about.
This whole topic reminds me of an instance within a spiritual community that I was a part of. I have a talent for remembering certain kinds of things. I remember decisions. Don't know why that is, but I do. So, I generally knew if we were making a decision that was contrary to another we'd made before. I frequently irritated people when I brought that to the group's attention. I was also the one who generally pointed out when we were maybe following the technicality of a decision but utterly ignoring the spirit of it.
A friend of mine called that being the poop carrier. No one likes the poop carrier. Its a job that groups need done though. Its necessary. It serves to keep the group heading in the direction they truly intend. It keeps them honest and it keeps them clear in their vision.
This is one of the most important services that anyone can provide.
I grew to hate the job...but I still do it. I can't help myself. *grins sheepishly*
I see that going on here a bit now and then. You do it with style and equanimity. *winks* Thank you for doing it. The world needs lots more poop carriers because the world ain't too honest these days...yanno?
All these double standards drives me nuts....but I've learned to pick my battles so that I don't wear myself out. Now, unless I have a give a shit button on a particular topic or with a particular person, I just don't say too much. My sense of justice is always there, but it carries a price, so I pay it when it really matters or when I have pms. *winks*