The appointment at the ENT lasted well over two hours. Much of that time was spent with some unbelievably intense testing of my hearing. By the time it was over with, I was incredibly shaken and feeling very wiped out. I was also very emotional.
Master sat in during the hearing test, and His feeling/understanding was that the audiologist found some slight but documentable hearing in the formerly deaf ear. When the testing was done, we were sent back to the waiting room to wait for the doctor to see us. I think we waited about 15 or 20 minutes. Then, we were called back to the examination room, and waited a bit longer.
When the doctor appeared, he was blunt: "there's no hearing in that ear."
It was like being kicked in the stomach. Master and I went back over the history (the doctor had clearly not read the chart information), but the story did not change. Nerve deafness, likely caused by a viral infection way back a decade and a half ago. Nothing that can be done. If there were going to be any recovery from this, according to this doctor, it would have happened in the first three months.
Still, I am adamant that what has changed has changed. I can detect the directionality of sounds. I can sense the relative distances of sounds. I am aware of resonances to voices and music that I haven't had any inkling of for years and years.
The doctor had no real explanation. He indicated that it was the brain, making accomodations for the loss -- after all this time. His take: "the brain does amazing things."
OK.
I am disappointed at some level. But it is an odd, disconnected sort of disappointment. I had a lot invested in this "restored hearing" phenomenon. Still, when I consider the "outcome" here, I am left with improved functioning. I AM hearing more and better than I was two days ago. Whatever the explanation, whatever the limitations of the science, whatever the dismissive bent of this medical professional, I hear what I did not previously.
Thank you all for investing in the possibilities with me and for me. Whatever we choose to call this, it is for me a huge and wondrous gift.
swan
Personally, the testing itself causes a hearing issue that I have to become really active. I get ringing in my ears all the time, but there is something about the testing that makes the issue worse. I have been told that my hearing is not as good as it is...when I know quite well that I can hear things that they say I shouldn't be able to.
ReplyDeleteYet they swear by their testing abilities and tools.
I have seen child after child go screaming out of there because the testing made their head ache terribly...and upset them emotionally.
I think that the testing causes sonic disruptions in the body and that the body responds by shutting down emotionally and also physically.
For God's sake they use sonic waves to break up kidney stones! Supposedly we aren't supposed to be able to hear those sounds. But I can detect the sounds of my neighbor's rat and chipmunk repller, which uses supposedly silent sonic sounds that irritated them, but humans can't hear. I am about half mad by the time spring arrives and she finally shuts that GD thing off! Its also normal to see babies in uterine trying to get away from the sonogram instruments...and the babies keep trying to get away from that sound, no matter how many times they reposition it. It hurts them.
Sounds, even if we can't supposedly physically hear them can still effect us.
So...I think you ought to just trust your own body and not worry about what the doctors say. They just don't know everything. They just don't. No matter how much they think they should or do know...they are far more ignorant than informed.
Any really honest doctor will tell you that much of modern medicine is guess work and trial and error.
I think you ought to just find as many new sounds as you can and savor them for the grace and blessing that they are.
I am definitely celebrating your return of hearing...no matter how it is happening...brain or ears. It is happening and I am very, very happy for you swan. ((hugs))
Swan, you certainly know Drs are not gods, despite what they might say. If your are hearing what you were not able to before, the hearing is improved. The fact that they cannot measure that with medical tools does not invalidate your perceptions. I have dealt with doctors, top experts even with conflicting medical opinions and "facts". Never mind! I am so glad for you. You know what you know and that is just wonderful!
ReplyDeleteAs Greenwoman and Sara say, trust your perceptions. No one is more of an expert on your body than you.
ReplyDeleteThere are very many medical miracles around that these so called "expert" doctors cannot explain, it seems that you just joined their ranks, celebrate it, you remain as always a very special person.
Hil
swan - i am a firm believer in validation - i have a sneaking suspicion so are you..... problem is most of the world doesn't - especially doctors who believe they are always right and good.. and some even walk on water - the humble ones are hard to find...
ReplyDeletetake what you know and what you believe and what you hear - and celebrate it... you don't need some white coated Dr Wizard to make it real - you are living the realness :)
hugs
morningstar (owned by Warren)
Enjoy it for as long as you have it, doctor's opinions be damned. Medically testing is flawed in so many ways, surely you shouldn't take it as gospel. You know what you hear and that's all anyone needs to know.
ReplyDeletekaya
Swan, consultants think that they are gods, contradict them at your peril.
ReplyDeleteBe damned your ENT wizard, acccept the gift you are given and enjoy.
Warm hugs,
Paul.